to continue my thought...

As I reread my post from yesterday I began thinking about my relationships with men...I love men, I love the way they smell, taste, the sound of their voice...I love to run my hands on/through their hair (or bald heads), and I do love sex (ugh, ma...TMI)...but it seems that I haven't found my soul mate...partly I know it's cause I don't care enough to look...partly because I scare off most men (its the man arms bearmaiden will say...inside joke), and the other part is I refuse to have random sex...
I'm not a prude my any measure, but I hate to feel that someone is after me just to gain a notch on the belt...and I hate when men talk to me and look at my boobs...

my father always wanted sons-in-laws...men he could pass his knowledge to...men that he could pass the Shepard's staff to (he says he herds sheep, I say I'm herding ants)...but the joke in our family is that he made me and my sister too strong...like I said the other day, I am a bad bitch...I intimidate men when I can lift more than they can...when I can solve an issue with little thought...or I get up and drive to Chicago in 16 hours nonstop...I really don't act like a snob or know it all, and I do try to play the "little lady" role once in a while, but it's not me...going on forty I refuse to "play the game" or any game to get a man...

but what to do...I sometimes get scared that I'm so set in my ways and used to being alone that I will be single for ever...don't get it twisted, that wouldn't be the end of the world...but it would be nice to marry one day...BUT NO KIDS...I will help raise yours, but I ain't birthing no babies...
but then I say...he'd have to move with me cause I really like my apt, and my life, and, and, and...

so I meet guys, and I act my usual sarcastic, comment making self, don't give up sex on the first, second, third date...let them know I'm a professor, clinician...and WHOOSH, they are out...maybe the issue is I like hoodrats...something sexy about a dude that can take care of me...protect me when the shit goes down...why do I have to be the one to protect some bitch ass college educated dude *sigh*...

folks tell me...including choclahontas...that I have to be "soft", and "ma, don't be so manly...let a dude act like a dude...act jealous once in a while" etc...but I'm ladylike...I wear girly shit and wear mostly skirts and flip flops in the summer...I don't talk loud or make scenes, so what is the issue? I don't talk with a full mouth, I shave my underarms and legs...I don't fart in public (unless I'm walking in a crowd of the borg, then I look around and say 'ugh, those folk are nasty'...lmao...or blame it on whirlwind who says 'no muma, you fartalarter'...)

so life goes on...I like being single...not answering to anyone...running down town to drink a quick margarita by myself...or just staying in the house chillin...watching MY shows in bed...controlling the remote once in a while...being beautiful FOR ME...and not having to take a million showers a day, and change the sheets every week (I change them every two weeks cause I take a bath every night for those who just said ew...)...and not having to wash a thousand white tee's (a hood thing)...

so do I care if I'm single for life? no, not really...would it be nice to share my love with someone? yeah, if he maintains his own life and leaves me alone once in a while, cause I get tired of folk and really don't want to be bothered...yes, that includes my kids...

but my parents would love to see me and sis be settled and married...but I'm convinced that as long I don't give up quick sex, no one will take the time to see the me inside...but I say, IT'S YOUR LOSS...cause look, sexy tried to crawl back, and idiots issue is that I just won't fuck with him...so I gotta be doing something right...