Thursday, November 27, 2008

on this thanksgiving

when you don't have much it seems thats when you're most thankful....
I'm so thankful that I have a home, good friends, a wonderfully annoying family (except for bigbear, my ride and die who NEVER annoys me)...
I'm thankful that poppys healthy this year...that choclahontas got into college...that MMB could be worse during this adolescent phase...she could be doing drugs, having sex, and doing a whole host of other dumb shit...
I'm thankful that I have my chocolate sunshine in my life...he is my pride and joy...
I'm thankful that I have a job that JUST allows me to cover my bills...
I'm thankful that I've made relative peace with idiot...I feel totally free to move on...
I thank God for my health, and my personal wealth...

this day is not about the food, but about being with those you love, and appreciating what you have, and thanking God for it...

Monday, November 24, 2008

wake up
its a new day
a day we all
prayed for

but how new is this day
when the routine is the same
the pain is the same
the players are the same

but I'm happy
to have been able
to wake up
on this new day

update...

the parents furniture got delivered on Sat at 5pm...she stayed the weekend at the childrens fathers house where she preceded to get into a physical altercation...I'm going with her on friday to help her put the house in order and build beds...anyone I know is welcome to help me...

MMB is being difficult and defiant for absolutely no fucken reason...she really likes to say things that she knows will hurt my feelings...she really feels that she can live in this world without me at age 14...go right ahead hon...and see how much you like it...oh, I guess I shouldn't say that cause once you dare her, forget it, shes not going to give in...even if it kills her...Ima play her game...no cooking (my food was nasty tonight...she was trying to be nice about it by throwing it away), no waking her up in the morning...no waiting for her when she's dawdling...I'll take her friends...I'm not going to make them suffer for her stupidity (I'm not calling you stupid...just your actions when you're acting up)...
her father was the same way...that's why he's lost so much, and why he can't learn...well all I can say is that life will kick your ass so I don't have to do it...

choclahontas in on the right path...she still needs a job...I told her since it does not look like she's gonna get a job anytime soon with a high school diploma I guess she better make a job...

I made me a small peach cobbler...I guess I should save it for thanksgiving...but I don't know...it smells damn good...and thursdays a few days off...

so that's all folk...

Saturday, November 22, 2008

wake up...

yesterday after school I took a parent to brooklyn so she could let movers into her new apartment...we went, her and her three children...now the children are in a therapeutic for a reason, but thats another story...this parent was in a shelter...she signed her lease for her one bedroom apartment last wednesday...yes, one bedroom for her and her three children...a TINY one bedroom I might add...
so we get to brooklyn...the super asked her "who are you?" she explained that she signed the lease and needed to get the keys to let the movers in...the super stated that he didn't know anything about that and the apartment was not ready for move-in, and never mind the fact that the door did not have a lock...
so stressed, this parent called the landlord...now being a friday afternoon at 3, the landlord was gone for the weekend...
she called the movers...
the movers were supposed to move her between 8 and 12...they showed up at 1:30...she has to pick up her kids at 2:15 (this is why I took her to brooklyn)...the movers assured her that they would wait in front of the house till we got there...
after much back and forth, the movers admitted that they were eating lunch in manhattan and would get there in an hour or so...not acceptable as I had to get back to the city and pick up sunshine...
the parent called the shelter...they told her they were done with her...
she called the landlord...he was still gone...
she called the movers and they told her they would get there...
I was stressing as it was 3:30...
she told the movers that since they were still by the shelter to take her belongings (18 bags) back to the shelter...
she called the shelter...
they told her that they were done with her and if the movers bought her belongs back they would be left on the curb...they also explained that they only pay the movers once so if the movers had to redeliver she was responsible for the cost...
the movers called back and said it was 3:30 and they were off duty...
I was stressed, she was beyond stressed, and the kids were clearly mirroring her feelings...they screamed...all three...at the top of their high pieced voices all the way to manhattan...

I stopped by a picked up idiot as he works a few blocks from the parents new apartment...
I generally let him talk shit, and address it later when he really gets on my nerves but he started in on my driving...the music was on, the kids were screaming and the parent was on the phone...I pulled his coat till we were face to face and I told him calmly but firmly "this is not a friend...this is a client...and don't you DARE talk to me crazy or belittle me in front of my client"...he was shocked...he was quiet as a mouse all the way home...even as I swerved in and out of traffic at a high rate of speed...he just clung quietly to the arm rest and attempted small talk...till he just gave up and fell asleep...

I asked the parent what was she going to do...she said she didn't know...she couldn't go back to the shelter...the apt, by train was over an hour away, and anyway the door had no lock and she had no key...the super didn't believe her story and plus she had nothing to sleep on...I ran inside to get sunshine and when I got back I saw her down the block...with her three kids...
I cried all night...there was nothing I could do at the moment...nobody to call...

I went to choclahontas's house today to give her a microwave and dishes me and bigbear bought her at an apartment sale...she says that everytime I go to her house I start shit...I wanted to help her put the microwave in a place cause I knew that where I left it was where it was gonna stay...I cleaned off the top of the fridge to place it there but it was too high...
choclahontas told me she saw a mouse...I moved some bags on the side of the fridge and there was a lot of mouse feces...I moved the fridge and it looked like a tribe of mice used the bathroom...I started looking around...uncovered old exposed food...dirty dishes...crackers...broken glass...and a lot of mouse feces...so I started to clean...I started to build the microwave cart so she would have more space to put stuff...her room mate came home and decided he was going to bed...he threw everything off the couch on the floor...messing up what I was doing...it got "too much" for my dear child and she took off "to buy food"...

man, this hurts my heart...here this parent is god knows where with her three children and choclahontas has the world given to her...an apartment...rent paid for...and she can't respect it...not even for her kid...the dust, garbage, mouse feces is enough that if I were a visiting social worker I would call ACS...she was upset that she was "cooped up all day" and "why did you come here to start shit"...

I took sunshine home...where he will live with me until she cleans that house from top to bottom...I told her how dare she disrespect what she has when this parent is struggling to give her children a warm place to sleep this weekend, with no belonging because everything was on the truck...
I can't in good conscious let sunshine live like that...because he was exposed to the mouse feces that I moved he is now wheezing...
but to choclahontas I'm just being "extra" and "starting shit"...

choclahontas came to my house bout a half hour later...she explained to me what was going on...said that when the room mate cleans he never moves things...admitted that she has no cleaning skills but she was working really hard to develop them...she said she was thinking bout the parent...said that she really didn't want to disrespect her house and she really thanks God for what she has...we had a wonderful talk over tea...

it's true what they say bout the development of the pre frontal cortex...

Friday, November 21, 2008

I'm fucken Pissed...

after spending 165 on a multi-use charger the lap top is not working...it won't boot up...SHIT SHIT SHIT...
I swear...I'm bout the throw the thing in the garbage...

I'm pissed
that the world
does not go according
to my plan

I'm pissed
that for every step
I take
I always seem
to stumble and drop
my bundle of progress

I'm pissed
that money
is always an issue
an open sore
a festering wound

I'm pissed
that my children
are giving me grays
silver is spouting faster
than the spring weeds

boy oh boy
am I pissed
that I'm not
slim
trim
rich
and married

but I'm not pissed
because
I'm blessed

blessed that I can take that step
blessed that I can pick up my bundle
blessed that time heals all wounds
blessed that gray hair signifies
knowledge, wisdom
blessed that my children
are with me
to annoy me
blessed that I can
carry a heavy load
cause I'm strong
happy
loved

Monday, November 17, 2008

rants for today...

I hate self centered vindictive folk...
I told you before, the director of my site (who is not my boss) gets clothing donations from a clothes bank...brand new designer stuff...a couple of days ago she got nine big bags of clothes...nice shit too...now director always goes through the bags first...then she calls all her people (all the head teachers are folk from her country) and they get to chose...wildfire, who sits in the office, often gets to look thru...sometimes I get to look...but not this time...for some reason director was mad at me...whatever...so after all these folk paw through the stuff that's free and for the parents, she puts out the ugly, non name brand size 20 shit...
now when I look thru the bags, I always grab something for my teachers, kids in my room who might need, the girls, then myself...I even pull out things wildfire might have missed for her...
I'm used to directors bullshit, but wildfire got on my nerves...i noticed she never looks out for me...she got a ton of shit and never even offered me a shirt (though I noticed she had multiples of the same NICE shirt)...wildfire is a packrat...and half the stuff she takes sits in my closet at work...for months...what an ass...I stopped looking out for her a while ago when I first peeped her card...don't profess to be my friend then act shady...now to be fair she buys me my roll and tea almost every morning, but shit I'm the only one who goes to the store, so it evens out...

speaking of...I tired of this freakin weight...I wish I lived on a farm where I was forced to do manual labor...I eat well and I'm not gaining, but I'm not losing...since I have chocolate in the afternoon I can't get to the gym...by the time I get him home it's four-thirty and I snagged the last parking spot on the block...to move my car means I will be looking for parking for at least an hour...shit...

so what's a fat girl to do...dress well, do the hair and live life...I'm not ugly so that helps...

so those are my rants for the day...not bad considering it could be much worse...

Sunday, November 16, 2008

helloooooo

I'm back...broke down and got an universal adapter from bestbuy..it was expensive BUT it comes with a car adapter so when we take the long car trips the back can plug in and leave me the fuck alone...and also when you have a best buy card they only charge you about 10.00 a month...win win...

but I'm once again able to blog from my dining room table, or my bed, or where ever I chose...

a lot has been going on in my life and I'm not quite sure how much I will/can share...folk get testy sometimes when they feel I'm blowing them up in cyberville...its not my intention, I just am speaking what I feel...so for the sake of peace I might just talk generally, not say anything at all (which is my norm), start a blog that no one I know will be invited to (so I can really vent), or just say fuck it and say what I gotta say and folks got to deal with it...

it's been so long that I don't know where to start, but it will come out in bits and pieces...

I will start by saying that the blob showed his ass...it's not that I know it all- as MMB would say- it's just that I get feelings about folk or situations that generally come to pass...he's crazy, his mama's crazy and his aunts crazy...my dear daughter has dodged a serious bullet...and so far has walked out with her life...

MMB is 14...the bottom of the barrel...if I can make it through 14 I will survive...it's all uphill from here...if you have girls you will understand what I'm talking about...but the silver white hairs are popping out at an alarming rate...I'm allergic to hair color, so I have to decide, white hair or allergy bumps...

the idiot and I have made peace...its the sex that fucks us up...ugh, I don't even want to have sex with him, but I can tolerate him otherwise...I told him "no sex unless we marry, no marriage unless you disclose your complete credit and financial status, and since you will do neither NO SEX"...but we've had the best two weeks or so of 25 years...he paid for my sunshines birthday party...he was PRESENT for his party...he gave MMB money for her birthday...he was PRESENT for her birthday...I've seen him more than I saw him when we were "dating"...he was there for the blob drama, and even STEPPED to the blob...the idiot is all mouth and little action...WOW...I can't ask for more...he and choclahontas are on the road to recovery...um, MMB is not so forgiving, but that's on them, he has a lot to prove to her...
maybe he can move in and pay half the rent...JUST JOKING MMB AND BEARMAIDEN...please don't get your panties in a bunch...I can see and hear the comments now...

I was asked to teach full time at the college...I think I can swing it where I can hold two full time jobs...it will be rough over the winter, but I need something to keep me busy...I HATE winter and need motivation to move around...but the good thing is that I get summers of from both jobs (well, the school I work the first six weeks)...shit, with two paychecks and no work...pow wow trail here I come!!!!!!
it's still in negotiation, so we will see...

anywho, I'm tired...since the blob is out my darlings life, she is in mine...and man does she make me tired...when her and chocolate are together it's like a whirlwind...like youre in the middle of a hurricane...

good night...sweet dreams...don't let the bed bugs bite...(when I was little I thought bed bugs were cute little things that tickle you...um, one of my kids in school had bed bugs...those little bastard are vicious!!!!)

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

All I can say is WOW...
with tears streaming down my face
all I can say is WOW...
YES WE CAN
YES WE CAN
YES WE CAN

we can go to college
we can make a difference
our voices can be heard
all I can say is WOW...
with tears streaming down my face
all I can say is WOW...
YES WE CAN
YES WE CAN
YES WE CAN

we worked for four hundred years
and now a descendant of those who built the white house
can now live in the white house
a descendant of those who built Washington
can now claim Washington
and all I can say is WOW...
with tears streaming down my face
all I can say is WOW...
YES WE CAN
YES WE CAN
YES WE CAN

our voice is finally heard
above the roar
calm cool collected
ever mindful that all are watching
but we are strong
finally united as one
and all I can say is WOW...
with tears streaming down my face
all I can say is WOW...
YES WE CAN
YES WE CAN
YES WE CAN