is this the answer?

last year my doc told me I had polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) but chose to treat them menopause it created...that didn't work...after gaining a substantial amount of weight my appointment with the endocrinologist finally came up...he went along with the diagnosis and now I'm on metformin, a drug for diabetes that they use to treat this...
I'm not one for medication...at all...however I've been on it for five days...I no longer wake up feeling like I worked out in the gym for 24 hours straight...the soreness in the morning was horrible...for the last two mornings I was able to bound out of bed, I'm almost ready to do some sit ups in the morning...even my knee is feeling better...
getting old is crazy..it's like an old car...every couple of miles something breaks or needs to be tuned up...it's all about finding the balance and I hope for once I found it...
life overall is going really well...I have a good balance...choclahontas has settled into work and taking baby to school...moodmagicbarbie almost needs her named changed...she's stable...the parents are settling into the new home, the new life...poppy is a little bummed that he's never going to get better but I try to remind him regularly that he could not be here at all...and he's made HUGE progress with all that afflict him...

on another note, sometimes me and MMB talk about relationships...she feels that at times i'm lonely...it's funny but I'm not...most times I don't even miss sex...the bullshit that goes along with relationships I just don't have the patience for...wondering if MMB, in particular, is going to give them the special attitude or loving look...I love that my room is pink and lavender...I love the accomplishment of putting something up or together...
sometimes when she's out or busy (which is rarely) I wish I had someone to watch t.v with but then I remind myself that 9 times out of 10 they won't want to watch what I'm watching anyway...or someone to go out with, but then again I haven't found someone who willingly will go to a social or a school show...SO, I'm quite happy with me and my life...
maybe when MMB is away at college I'll explore...however I find it so funny that I can play match maker with the world but have the worst taste with my own choices...I love my young boys...shit, men do it all the time...why do I have to be stuck with the old ones with drama and baggage...I'm in my prime and I want someone who's in their prime as well...
I'm 25 at heart...I'm not trying to recapture my youth cause it sucked, I love the knowledge I've acquired through the years...I love knowing and learning...but dammit I'm not ready to put on the reading glasses and orthopedic shoes and talk over coffee...no...I'm all for hiking, gym, wild nights of sex (skip that part MMB)...what do they say? I'm old enough to know better but young enough to enjoy...

I got this attitude from my mommy...at 68 she's finally ready to stop shopping in the juniors dept but I know that won't last long cause she's not ready to "age" either...
I tell poppy this all the time...it doesn't matter what the body is doing it's how the mind is feeling...

well I'm off to talk to my young flow...yummy...

thanks...

in the new job I'm finding myself...I'm in charge of the mentoring program...the home visit program...developing and organizing groups...seeing my kids...I love being busy and productive...
time is valuable but it's ok when you see the fruit of your labor...I never look for thank you's but when they come it's sweet...but my thanks today was seeing a boy that I work with bound into my office...he spoke briefly to his father that he hasn't seen or talked to in months last night...he wanted to know if he could call from my phone...of course...
the conversation was about 10 minutes...in the confines of my room with no worries about hurting anyones feelings he could talk freely to his dad...the sun beamed from his smile...he was walking on a cloud...that was my thanks for the day...

greatful

to be greatful
we take for granted
to be greatful
is hard to do

but God gives us
so much
to be greatful for

when times get rough
we forget
to be greatful
when people act up
we forget
to be greatful

but it's never
as bad
as to forget
to be greatful
for what we have

school days

twirling
swirling
smiling
fighting
screaming
jumping
bumping
crying


tears
smears
whines
lines
moving like ants
tearing of pants

hugging
slugging
pushing
smushing

childhood
school
real real
cool

something I can do...

I can't access facebook at work but I can access the blog...yipee...so look to hear from me almost daily cause here I can find that quiet moment...

hello world...

for the moment I'm back...life has settled...since I really wrote last poppy lost his leg, the parents have moved closer to me and I got a new job...a lot since last February...
there is so much to sort out, so much I need to put to rest, but right now I have to deal with the cramp in my freaking calf...oooooouch....

oh but WHY is it that the guy that I can have long INTELLECTUAL conversations with and who is FINE AS HELL is 24 and my co-worker...WHHHHHYYYYYYYY...God is such a joker...sigh...oh well...I really really need to learn how to turn back the hands of time...I really DONT look or feel 41, almost 42, and this is really posing an issue for me...I need to write it on my arm like a cheat sheet...YOU ARE OLD DAMMIT leave the young ones ALONE...

new beginnings

rebirth
starting the clock
at the midway mark
every day
a new beginning
every second
rebirth
tick tick tick

babies born
elders pass
young adults
move on
new beginnings
rebirth
tick tick tick

time changes
but stands still
always the same
never the same
starting over
rebirth
tick tick tick

new jobs
new homes
new people
relationships
fresh as a baby
born
rebirth
tick tick tick

new beginnings
rebirth
tick tick tick