Monday, July 28, 2008

sorry for the delay...

...if you read me at all...
I haven't written cause I really don't like to complain...and if I'm complaining it's because internally I'm brainstorming..I like to hear different opinions, but I know what I've tried and what worked or didn't...

work is really getting to me...maybe I just need my vacation that is coming two weeks from today...I really like my job overall but it's four years and I'm getting restless...as long as "clinical director" is around I will never be allowed to progress...case in point...I give staff development once a month for the daycare where our classroom is housed...speech has been giving in-service to the teachers, which is fine, but why the fuck did she do an in-service on child growth and development and play development...last time I checked she is the speech pathologist...and why the fuck did "clinical director" ok this...but when I asked her months ago could I do this training she said something to the effect of "no, you're a 'young' social worker and teaching college is just reciting the book...I have 25 years of experience"...
so "clinical director" wants to "make my life easier" by having me write a job description for wildfire...if you are the supervisor write your own fucken job description for wildfire...you should know what wildfire needs to do...but telling her what she needs to do is not the issue...its getting her to do it...
SUPERVISION AND ENFORCEMENT FOLKS...
I need supervision...sometimes I need that person to look over my shoulder and tell me what I'm doing right or wrong...to make sure I've not lost a kid somewhere in the mound of paper work (well, in actuality it's only in the spring that I'm swamped)...

MMB is getting on my nerves...it's just that she's 13...when she's 16 it will be better...but least shes on the upswing...she wants to be a star and I support her 100% but she does not want to hear what I have to say...about ANYTHING...she got stubborn and know-it-allness from both sides of the family...fatlady you can represent her/train her/be her agent...THANKS...I will take on one or both of yours...plus, when your kids see you spend more time with other kids they tend to straighten up and act right...

choclahontas has a new name thanks to bearmaiden, who laughed on sat as we approached her in preparation to get in the car and go to the pow wow...last time we went to a pow wow she had on booty shorts and purple stiletto heels...this time she had on many colors and white knee socks *sigh* at lest she had on sneakers...but she looked cute...anyway, bearmaiden said "her name should be inappropriatebarbie"...and so it is...
she's getting a huge wake up call...something to do with letting folks fool with her bank account which they overdrew and bounced checks, froze what little assets she has...owing me three months of the cell phone bill...owing storage...messing with so many boys/men on 8th ave folks are talking..."I'm not fucking anybody" she says...yeah but folks don't know that...baby needs his mama and she's not paying him attention...her needing a job ASAP or she's gonna be homeless (and she's NOT coming here)...her being mad at me cause I wont let chocolate spend the night (which breaks my heart cause he really wants to) cause I know she's not doing laundry (which hasn't been washed since she moved in back in March...actually she moved with dirty clothes and has bags of dirty clothes in the storage locker), looking for a job, or doing anything productive but running around with her "friends"...so she's been yanking and slamming my car door...told her if she breaks it I'ma break her...

poppy's students (I think four or five) gave him really harsh reviews...at his college the kids write the reviews out...he's taking it personally and has entered a "tunnel" which sets big bear on edge...she over compensates, he gets edgy, they bicker...I'm basically staying out the way...I told him not to worry...apparently this class was given to him (usually he gets to pick his students) and one or most of this bunch are leaving for some reason or another...but his moods directly affect his health...

I'm really happy for bearmaiden and tomcat...I knew from the first she told me that this is long-term...can't explain it...I get a comfortable feeling...a feeling of familiarity...

speaking of feelings...I had a dream a few weeks back that someone was in my house...it was at night...I hid behind the wall and surprised them in my kitchen (which overlooks the fire escape)...it was young dudes...they went back out when they realized that I was standing there, but as I was looking out the window one of them knelt down on one knee and pointed a gun at me...
like an idiot I kept that window open (though I booby-trapped it so I would know if someone entered)...every time I came home I checked the window from the outside as well as the inside...I knew that I really needed to close that window but it was too damn hot...
last weekend I was in and out the house doing laundry...I had the window open but the screen down...I went to the sink and realized that my screen was up...instead of tempting fate I locked my window and put a note on a neon green postcard that reads "if you're close enough to read this I'm close enough to shoot you"...the feeling of finding someone in my house is gone...but the kitchen is hot as hell...
I've learned not to ignore my intuition...I don't second guess it anymore...there have been times when I know I should/shouldn't do something and I'm being lazy and ignore and what I felt was gonna happen, happens...like my car mirror being hit, turning back and having the building fall on me and choclahontas...

so I have a moment of peace...baby is with his mama (much to her dismay), MMB is at her friends for the rest of the week...and I am going to my lavender and pink barbie room and lighting my candles...I'm still going to yoga and LOVE it...

last but not least...
does anyone want my finches? I have four...a mommy, daddy and two kids (a boy and a girl)...they are about four years old but in good health...they have a new large cage and they are happy...I just don't have the time to clean the cage (it has to be cleaned weekly)...ok, I'm tired of cleaning the fucken cage!!!! they are low maintenance and very hardy...they mate for life so I can't think of separating them...
PLEASE TAKE THEM...i will bring them to you...i will even buy them food...once...

1 comment:

Fat Lady said...

I'll take MMB. She reminds me of what I would have been like as a teenager, if I'd had a WHOLE LOT more confidence. But I was kind of moody and had an intense desire to be an actress - but no idea how to go about it, no confidence in my ability to pursue it and no support from anyone who could have helped me make it happen.

So, I'll gladly do what I can to help a rising star.

And I'd take your child before your finches any day - yuck - I don't like birds.

But I think MMB would come running back to you quickly for some peace and order - cause my place is one chaotic mess!