Tuesday, July 29, 2008

since no one cares

or wants to hear it I will post it to space...
I am convinced inappropiatebarbie is retarded...I love my kid but she just doesn't get it and won't ever get it...
she couldn't bring chocolate to school cause he has no clean clothes...I personally bought him 200 dollars worth of summer clothes (on sale I might add-so he had at least 10 outfits with about 5 pairs of shoes)...she washed a few things out by hand and took them to pitas house to dry...seems all his clothes, dirty or clean, are at pitas house...I told her she needs to go there (she has a key) and spend the day washing his clothes (they don't pay electricity, so she does this for free)...her reply was that she won't spend the day doing that "dumb shit"...
chocolate does not really need school, but needs the consistency...her emotional turmoil is taking a toll on him...when I called today he answered the phone and said "mommy's crying"...he worries about her, but I see him with a detached attachment...he's acting out in school...he takes off running cause it's one of the only ways he gets her attention when they are in the street and she's engrossed in conversation with the corner boys...he knows that he wont get his needs met immediately so he finds other means, i.e. getting his own shit out the fridge or attempting to leave the house and go to the store when he wants juice..."I be right back"...
she said "I don't know why all this shit is happening to me" uh, I know..."I don't want shit you have to say...mind the work business...you don't know half of what's going on"...fine...I'm not saying shit...
all I care about is chocolate and his emotional/social development...but I don't like taking him cause it gives her free reign to run the streets...and she does...all night...with the scruffiest folk you ever did see...all men...no girls...so I worry about her safety, and what will happen to chocolate if she gets caught in the wrong place at the wrong time...jail or death...cause I would beat blood out of pita if he took him away from me...


Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

we will never understand
they will never get it
and we will always worry about them sister

The Bear Maiden said...

All I can say is what I've said before. it's not that no one cares. it's that she's a legal adult and there is nothing more you can do for her.

What you can do is take the kid, plain and simple. You cannot leave him there if she can't handle him. Forcing him to be there with her, if she is not equipped, will not MAKE her do anything. "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink" Bigbear has repeated time and time again.The only thing that will happen is that the kid will suffer.

Maybe you need to stop looking at her running off and leaving the kid with you as a way for her to get her way; maybe you need to look at it like she's trying to tell you she can't do it.

I love the Diva with all my heart, and it would be sad to lose her to the streets. But it would be sadder still to lose the kid.

You don't have any choices. You cannot make her live her life any other way than the way she's going to do it. So stop worrying about her, letting her run guilt trips, stop trying to make her do anything.

If the kid is suffering, if's becoming detached or acting out, you are grandparent. And you're going to have to take him; either that or let his father raise him.

And if you don't believe me, call up the Fat Lady and talk to her. Cuz she lived it.

Fat Lady said...

I'm going to tell you this from the point of view of the child. IAB reminds me of my mother in SO many ways. She's young, fabulous and amazingly self-centered.

The best thing that ever happened to me was that my father and his family took me and let her go be her spectacular self when I was 2 years old.

The worst thing that ever happened to me is that when I was 5 years old, she convinced them that she was ready to take care of me - and they sent me to live with her.

The reality is that my mother was never cut out to be a mother. She wanted to be. She wanted to prove she was - but she wasn't. She was a lot of other things - dynamic, beautiful and charismatic, to name a few. But motherhood material she was not.

IAB has done more than my mother ever could (my mother put me to her breast for all of ten seconds before she decided that breastfeeding hurt way too much)- and maybe one day she will be ready to be a mother. But it's clear that right now she's not. And I think expecting her to be, leaving chocolate with her as a way of forcing her to be ready is about as effective as if you forced chocolate to carry a math textbook around to make him learn to add.

What I'm saying is if she doesn't have it in her, she doesn't have it in her. Just because the signs of it are there - doesn't mean she can be forced into being ready. It's like when kids are potty training - you can see they understand, they get each of the aspects - but until THEY'RE ready, it doesn't all come together.

Hopefully, one day IAB will put it all together and be ready to mother her boy. But if he continues to stay with her HE will be the one who will suffer the effects of her inability. And those are repercussions that are LIFE LONG. I'm still trying to work my way out of shit in my head from growing up with my mother.

I'm telling you this, from my heart. Please, raise him. Or make her give him to his father, if he's ready. Either way - let her go on and do what she's going to do and either grow up or dig herself into a hole she can't get out of. But don't make that beautiful little boy live for the rest of his life with the results of her shortcomings.