I'm bored as hell....

I'm sitting home...MMB went to a party with her sister and divacuntbitchken...of course I have chocolate so I can't go out...even bearmaiden is out...SHIT...
I really don't want to go out, but since I'm not talking to anyone I have no one to call...SHIT...I'm tired anyway...

I told choclahontas she better come early and get her kid...I'm going to a rummage sale...I love to find a bargain...got my first pair of designer jeans at a rummage sale and I was hooked..to the jeans and rummage sales...it's all about the score...find that designer whatever in good/new condition...when you walk down the street in all designer clothes, a five hundred dollar outfit that cost you thirty dollars tops, is the best feeling...I just laugh quietly to myself at all the idiots who spend their life savings to look good...hahahahahaha....
now the car is something different...and shoes...can't rummage shoes...unless they are totally new...and of course nothing intimate...that's plain nasty...

being bored
only if I knew what to do
reminds me of
everthing I could be
doing
oh gosh
my time is dwindling away

when I was younger I had intense feelings of boredom...I always felt, and still do, that I can't just do me...it's always something...and the reason is I have a strong sense of responsibility...when I was younger I didn't want to let my parents down, or do anything that they didn't approve of...now I had my moments between eighteen and about twenty then I settled in being mommy to choclahontas...(I have to ask her permission to share her story)...so I've always put my wants to the side...I love to walk, and if were up to me I would walk everywhere...but with MMB and chocolate that's impossible...he's too heavy and she complains (not for the first few miles)...
so I ended up just being bored...bored with the same shit, same folks...when I lived in bigbears building I would just sit outside...I love watching folk, and sometimes an old friend would pass by...but with chocolate here sleeping I can't do that...but it's not fair for him to be out to all hours of the night...I know I know...but he's little and he didn't ask to be born...

well I'm going to watch t.v...tomorrow is another day...