friends...

for one reason or another I've cut everyone out my life and realized, SHIT, I have no friends left...

the funny thing is I really didn't noticed till just now...SHIT

but I refuse to be around folk that take more than they give...I gotta find a new social circle...SHIT...

I'm totally not social...I go out, have drinks, go to a movie if I want to, I just tend to do it by myself or with family...but family is family and sometimes they get on my nerves and I don't want to be bothered with them either...

the issue is that I see MMB doing the same thing...NOT GOOD...but that will change for her once she enters high school...

it's not that I'm antisocial or boring (reserved, quiet maybe...more a watcher till I'm comfortable)but folks talk about the dumbest shit...much rather watch chocolate flirt "you got an inny?" he asked a cute little girl as they pulled up their shirts and compared belly buttons...however the little girl behind him got on his nerves...she had the nerve to talk through the son's violin recital..."shhh" he told her quite a few time..."quiet" he told her and pointed to the stage as if to say "bitch, they're playing, show some respect"...and finally "CUT IT" with fire shooting from his eyes...he was really pissed that she continued to talk when they were playing..."she not nice muma"...

so I have to hone in on the social skills development...SHIT...don't hold the cup in front of you at the bar, your setting up barriers...SHIT...I like barriers...

went to a car dealership today 1. I'm still debating if I'm buying another car and 2. to practice being social...SHIT...anywho, I scared the poor man to death...when I walked in he thought "oh boy...an easy target...a woman"...long story short, when I told him the car I was looking at was 17 feet (he measured it and I was right) he said I blew him away...I told him since I did not come in to buy a car I needed 24 hours to think it over...they tried all the tricks, to the point that all the dealers (men) were standing around listening to our conversation because I DO know what I'm talking about...I only open my mouth when I know what I'm talking about...and I'm beginning to realize I know a lot...albeit I'm not as savy as raw dawg, kelo's nuts, bearmaiden and lovebabz...just can't read the books they do...I find them sooooooo boring...much rather read case studies...but I digress...
so the poor man said he had to shake my hand...said in the twenty years he'd never met anyone like me...hahaha...said he'd like to see my research whether I buy a car or not...hahaha

so my social skills building worked to a point, but I intimidated the poor man...SHIT...I got to stop scaring folk to death...or maybe they need to, I don't know, stop being wossis...

so here's a poem as I sit and write the heavens are about to open up...

wind
invisible
the silent strength
I must respect you
forced to respect you
you can be so gentle
so soft
stirring the trees
on a hot summer day
till you're angry
then you whip
roar
churn
turn
destroy
then the anger is over
and again
you're soft
gentle
warm
invisible
wind