yes, putting out the lilfam would be the answer but unfortunately its not really an option because I need choclahontas to pay the other half of the rent till I find a respectable man to move in...OK, it's been ten years, but I can still dream...
My life is full of crazy stories, and big/lil sis encourages me to tell them...so here's one...
The other day I polluted the therapeutic process...I have a boy, age five, who was presented to me for counseling. He is a large child and of a culture that does not necessarily respect women.
In our sessions he refers to Chuckie (yes the horror movie Chuckie) alot...seems one Halloween his very intelligent mother drew the markings of Chuckie on him and told him he WAS Chuckie...I lie to you not...
So much of his play centers on fear and intimidation, violence, blood and bloodshed. I beg those in charge to refer him for a psychiatric evaluation, but that's yet to happen. In class he pretty much runs the room. He hides under the table (he's large, so he's not really hiding)...curses at the teachers, calling them bitches and telling them fuck you...jumping off the table and all the other lovely things that children in the therapeutic nursery in the ghetto do...we don't have these issues downtown...
The teacher talks about him to him...telling him what a bad boy he is...his mother should have kept him home etc...but does not stand up to him...the director speaks to him firmly, but I have yet to see it actually stop him from acting up...
So the other day, he was in a charming mood, and throwing himself on the floor and tantruming because he couldn't have a car. Prior to that I had him for therapy with another child, he did OK in the session, but I could see he has issues with patience and turn-taking...
So anyway, the teacher brought him out of the room to look for the director so she could "talk" to him, but the director had stepped out of the building...I watched this kid throw himself around like a fish out of water and I had enough...
I stood him up, put my face inches from his and in military style told him to cut it out...I told him "I'm not afraid of you ______, and your behavior is UNACCEPTABLE". At first he attempted to throw attitude, but I wasn't having it...I sent him to the classroom, and he made some comment...I grabbed his shirt, spun him around, and in military fashion told him in no uncertain words I was NOT having it..."OK ________, I'll stop" he said. I told him again and said "do you understand"..."yes_____, I understand" he said.
So someone who works in another area passed by and said "that's not how you work with children"...really? This kid only knows fear and intimidation, I neither scared him or intimidated him, but I had to show him who was boss...I had to let him know that he did not scare me, and I too could dish...
As the day progressed, I checked in on him...he was flying straight as an arrow...He said he was not going to act like that again...I had quiet time with him later to make up and asked him if he liked when I acted that way and he said he didn't. I explained that his teachers feel as he did when he acts crazy...did it sink in? we will see...
So the teacher got nervous and called his mother... I told his mother exactly what I did and how I handled him...the mother is a bundle of confusion and lets him act like the big man at home...she shared that he calls her stupid bitch...and we wonder why he acts the fool at school... I talked to her almost the way I talked to him and let her know that she is damaging her son and gave her ways to start handling him and changing his behavior...
so the irony of the story is that I'm really effective dealing with children and parents, but I can't get my own to listen to me and clean the freakin house....
In One Week...
8 years ago
2 comments:
You're examining how you arrived where you are now, and why you're still there--that's good! Because you sound a tad frustrated. :)
Remember, you're doing something right, or they would all flee from you. So you have a golden opportuntiy. The real bottom line is that we teach people how to treat us. If you like seeing your grandson grow up with parents without a sense of responsibility for their own living environment; if you enjoy cleaning up after adults who act like nine-year-olds, waiting to be told what to do next, then you would be in heaven. But I don't get that sense.
You need to move from martyr and control freak to teacher. Teacher with clear boundaries, but not an iron fist. It's a balancing act, as you well know, but worth the effort. Remember that your personal time is important; keep yourself special. It could be that at a time when you need everyone to do their part to make this home a sacred place, a meeting is in order. You say you need them living there? Then you need to allow their input. How will they show respect for their living space? Everyone makes a committment as to what they will do to make the house a home. And they also decide the consequences for when it doesn't happen.
I recommend the "Positive Discipline" books. :)
Even a great, strong tree has to be able to bend, so it doesn't break.
Hey, who's telling off my sister! LOL
But seriously, don't be a martyr. Although I always say the better the therapist, the more issues they have :)
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