Saturday, July 21, 2007

My dear Bearmaiden...this is for you

yesterday I discussed the situation with the sun as it pertains to the macrosystem...but now I want to talk to bearmaiden.
I've been thinking about it, she and I have to say that we are totally different in how we deal with, and process situations. I found myself being annoyed with her because she was "moping". You see, when I am presented with a situation I have two choices. I either fight to the bone or I accept the situation for what it is and move on. I will complain, but as I am complaining I am listening to myself, hearing different scenarios, and listening to see which one sounds better (thus fam, it seems that I zigzag, but I'm just looking at all angles).
So I talked with choclahontas, and questioned myself, asking what would I do if I were in the same situation (I check myself constantly because I worry that I don't have normal emotions). This can be good and bad. If I have a bad morning with the girls, or a really fucked up day at work, once I leave the environment its out of my mind until I am presented with the situation again. I hardly ever mull over a situation or replay it in my mind. I really don't dwell in what if's, just with what is.
When I'm at work, I can make a mental list of what needs to be done. When I'm home I can't remember the list, but as soon as I walk in the center it all comes flooding back.

So If I were in her shoes I know I would be upset. I would break fool in the courthouse, and later that day. But after a good nights sleep (and believe you me, I would go to sleep) I would move on until the day it was time for him to leave. I would deal with the emotion, then live life until he came back.
I am a strong believer in going with the flow, living the adventure, seeing what the outcome will really be. Maybe because I have dreams/thoughts that tell me an outcome, I never worry about, again, the whatifs.

Bearmaiden, you have not failed or lost. This is merely another chapter in the book of your life that will soon end. Keep reading but don't jump to conclusions. No one knows exactly what will happen in the end (not even me). Don't mull over the whatifs, take action when you can. Write an article for the New York Times, or just publish it on the web. See where you can make a difference.
Remember I once told you that if shit keeps happening you have to ask God to claify the message he is trying to send you. He is annoyed, He wants you to do or stop something and you are not hearing. Ask for a sign, and within twenty four hours you will have an answer, but be prepared, it may not be the answer you are looking for.

I had a dream last night about my supervisor. She had a sister and a brother. Her sister was brown like her and looked like her, and her brother was much lighter with straightish hair. Her brother appeared ok, but I soon realized that he was back on drugs (for some reason I knew he had a substance abuse problem although I didn't know him). I didn't know how to tell my supervisor that he had fallen off the wagon. He was trying to tell me something, but I couldn't catch it. He finally left the house and I knew he would be gone for a while. I woke up and knew this dream ment something, but I don't know to whom or what. And no bearmaiden, it was not about the sun not returning from CA...
I also dreamt the a few weeks ago that my co-worker died suddenly of a heart attack- we didn't see her dead or attend a funeral, she just wasn't there. We were upset, but got through the day until days end when our other co-worker left to go home...they are best friends and are always together...I woke up crying (could that be him leaving to CA?) I know these dreams are not about real death, but loss.

my dreams are always the interperative version of what I for example I dreamt that my father, poppa, had died of a busted blood vessel...I was distraught because it hurt so bad and was so sudden. A few days later, idiots nephew, who they called pop, was shot in the chest...he was about twenty years old...the funeral was hectic.

I refuse to be stressed, I have learned that it does all turn out OK, because we have Mr. O on our side. I continue to do the right thing because the second you don't you'll get caught by God. So do the right thing...Bearmaiden pick your head up and enjoy your summer with the sun...God closes a door but opens a window, so open the window wider, let the summer breeze in, look at the sun, the flowers and the birds, and them climb the fuck out the window and run through the field of flowers with your hair blowing.

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