Friday, July 20, 2007

I'm in the house all alone...

...and you would think I would go out, or clean (which I love to do, it relaxes me), but no...I am making a turkey burger and sitting my ass on the couch...
I have had a week...bearmaiden got the news that the sun has to go to californ-I-A. She views it as a loss, but in reality its a gain. There are a few things at play.

Eighteen years ago, when we were in court battling for my sweet choclahontas (that's a story I will tell, and bearmaiden will concur at a later time, but to make a really long story very short, Choclahontas was a gift from God, I say a corrected mistake, and not birthed from any of our wombs) she got two overnites with her biological family.
My sis and I cried, we cried when we got the decision, we cried when we dropped her off, we cried the whole night, and cried when we picked her up...but you know what? its eighteen years later and she has NEVER spent another night with them, and to this day she doesnt like or respect them...see, we allowed her to see them for who they are in their comfort zone...the same goes for moodmagicbarb, who has spent time with idiot, and was able to see him for who and what he the only reason why she doesnt have overnites is because 1. he would dump her with his current fling (and the main one cant stand MMB and lets her know it) and 2. his son is a pervert

Now back to the sun...the GAL seems to feel that bearmaiden is a hysterical vindictive black bitch...but I could look at her and tell she is bitter and has an unfulfilled life and NO sex (don't ask, I can just tell). it appears to me that she is attempting to correct some wrong in her life/career. Shes dangerous until her prejudices can be exposed.
The judge has to cover her ass...she is dealing with the type of person who could ruin her career. Sometimes at the TN we get parents that we really are very careful with. These parents could lodge a complaint or make an accusation that could be career ending. It tends to be the less educated and loud mouthed ones that we watch out for the most. So when dealing with FBB, they have to cross every T, and dot every I, because if they don't he can cry discrimination, favoritism (cause the judge is a spanish women) etc. and ruin and/or end somebodies career.

But I happen to know that we social workers and law folks, do set traps in which folks can fuck themselves. I have seen them set traps before, but out of sheer luck on his part, he has evaded them.
I don't know at this point if this is a trap, or who they are attempting to trap and flush out, or if they are doing whatever they can to make FBB satisfied and hopefully go away (what they don't know is that nothing satisfies him). Anyway, I do know that they wanted to push sis to see what she would do when faced with her greatest fear...losing a child to someone, and not necessarly to death, is every womans greatest fear, that's why all abusive men tell the woman that they will take the child away and mom will never see them, it always subdues the women initially until she calls his bluff or kicks his ass...
So anyway, they wanted to see what Bearmaiden would see when someone does not show emotion, especially anger, its a big red flag to professionals cause its fake, you're not being real to yourself or others. So will bearmaiden go off? will she withhold? will she become suicidal or homecidal? According to her account of what transpired, her reaction was right on target, that's why they scattered.

so here's the other side...will FBB crumble under the day to day of being with a child...there are accounts that he is somewhat delusional (not the same has having hallucinations), they want to give him enough time away from bearmaiden to show his true colors, and show what kind of a parent he really is...judge gave bearmaiden a compliment and remarked how well spoken and wonderful sun is, and what great behavior he had...that means that BM did this all on her own, and did a great job raising sun...They easily wrote in the hair decree, which they didn't have to do, judge could have said its not important...score two for BM.

Sometimes, and I'm not saying its right, we have to use the child as a pawn to, in bigbears words, "lance the boil". We attempt to not put the child in direct danger, but in enough of a stressful situation to turn the parents around. With mandated parents its called therapeutic leverage- one uses the persons fear (usually of having children removed or not returned) to manipulate them to do what you want them to do. So in this case they are using therapeutic leverage to "lance the boil" and get the case moving...cause in reality its stuck in dead center and FBB has no plans to move it forward.

So I say, trust in God, let sun be excited, be excited for him, find the humor, and document the injustice. Don't look at this as a loss...cause the outcome has already been written, and I know it will be ok, just like I knew we would ALWAYS have choclahontas...on that first night I knew she would be with us forever, bearmaiden said "don't say that, cause you don't know" and I said "yeah, I do know", and nineteen years later (almost to the day) she is still here, forever together...

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