open letter to choclahontas...

my dear sweet choclahontas...I don't know if you read my blog, but I hope you do because I am going to lay all the issues out...

I love you very much and nothing will ever change that...you made me mommy...you were my partner, roll-dog, and roommate long before MMB was born...she did not, and never will, replace you...but you are growing up...you are now a mother yourself and you need to take control of your life and future...you talk a mean game but I see little to no action and consistency...

first off, I don't like theblob...I'm sure he's a nice person, but he does nothing for you but suck the life out of you...he can't help you find an apt, he can't support you and the way I see it he is just driving a wedge between you and your family...but I won't make you choose cause great-grandma did that and you see where bigbear ended up (thank God it worked out for her)...

you say that I dump things on you when I see you, and I do because I see you on the run and you always have theblob with you...you say we don't spend time and we don't...because theblob is alway there, doing little irritating shit to get your attention, or put the attention on him (the fake headaches, the sitting in the bathroom moping...I just want to slap the shit out of him)...you use him as a shield...a shield to protect you from growing up and facing the truth of life...you have passed up opportunities where you and I, and you, me and MMB could have spent quality time together...with and without whirlwind...we didn't go out tonite because I was not taking out theblob and what, was he gonna sit on the steps until we came back?

I am not turning my back on you or throwing you away as I'm sure you feel...I'm not even turning my back to you, but babe you have to take hold of your life...you have to make decisions but most importantly you have to take action...yes you have ADHD, but you can't use that as a crutch or an excuse to stay stagnant...look behind yourself...use the tools available to you to make your life more organized...
many people are not dealing with you because of your flakiness...you miss appointments, blow folks off with no notice, and change plans at the last moment...

I am not your social worker, and I resent when I tell you things and you throw that in my face...I am your mother and these are things that as your mother I have to tell you...i really don't like being the one to tell you these things but it's my job...I resent when your rude...you say you're not disrespectful, but you are...it's depressing that I was chilling out with my candles and watching a movie? you said because you USED to light candles but now you can't...hon, you can have it too, but it's not going to fall in your lap...you have to fight for it, work for it...I am where I am today after MANY years of hard work and struggling...you have a family that supports you...a nana who bends over backwards for you...we all see your potential, but personally I am really tired of not seeing action or progress...

you throw sexy in my face...but you must realize that once I peeped the game, and was finished using him for what I needed him to do, his shit was packed and he was out the door within weeks...I also did that partly because you and MMB pitched such a bitch about him being here...

I know that you have to learn on your own...but you have a child and I wish you would take a little of what I have to offer to make your life, and most importantly, whirlwinds life, a little easier...

reach for the stars, but remember you have to take the baby steps first...I am going to leave you alone, because you have to figure this out on your own...I'm not going to bail you out...as much as it breaks my heart...I can't, because you will never learn otherwise...

I have more to say, but my thoughts are not flowing...I know you love me and I love you too, and I will support you when I see you start taking the initiative and begin the process of making moves...

peace, progress and much much love...
mommy