Saturday, September 1, 2007

to continue...

I told her today "though I love you madly, you have to make a choice, if your ADHD is as bad as you say, then you have to get medication to help you focus and learn strategies to survive...if that's not the case, then you ARE being lazy and taking advantage in which case you have to move out"...she is ready to go, but scared, as was I when I was faced with raising her...
You are all right, but I had to get to this point...I believe in cooperation. I feel folks can go much further if they work together...but she is lazy, and now has taken to the club scene...its ok when tunners with pita, but not okay when he's here...
she traipsed out of here looking like a straight hooker...riding the train by herself...I got her to at least put on sneakers to travel...
I really don't expect her to be me, or NOT to have any fun, or not to go out, but she has to balance it with being there for the baby...
I am a nurturer and know that she will not be responsible as long as she is with me...but like you outgrow your friend or man, we've outgrown each other..she needs to know that if she doesn't wash the tub, it wont get clean, or if she doesn't wash the dishes, they wont clean themselves...
So I will start looking on craigslist, she pays me 850 now, so I know she can afford that...I will have to put the apartment in my name cause she does not have credit or a job...

on another note, this dude I've been speaking to from craigslist is very interesting...he claims he is a pilot for a private company...He was able to back it up...I wonder how much of what he says is true...I will fill you in later cause now I'm tired...

2 comments:

The Bear Maiden said...

Yeah, sis, and I like I told you today I know it sucks. It sucks to think your kids have to learn the hard way. You said you thought I wouldn't do it to my kid, my Sun, my heart and soul... and I said I could. And I'm pretty sure I could, know why? First off, he's a boy and so already I know he HAS to stand on his own at some point. But secondly... God works in mysterious ways, and the Sun's trip to CA--as much as I fought it and didn't want it to happen, taught me something. Because the Sun made that decision... went in to the judge and told her what he wanted, and I had to accept it let him experience it for himself. I could watch... I couldn't protect. And he came home and he survived. The funny thing was... he knew I could bail him out. But even when he said he was scared, he stayed and he worked it out. You can't protect them forever. She'll work it out. I have faith in her. I betcha $100 :)

Fat Lady said...

Getting on the subway alone, at night, scantily dressed sounds JUST like me at 20yo. And, if she didn't have a little boy to take care of, I'd say it was no big deal.

This is the hard part of having kids young - there's still so much life left to live, so it's much more of a sacrifice to stay home with the kid.

But she's going to have to make the sacrifice, and it's good that you've wrapped your head around the fact that as long as they're there with you, that you'll pick up the slack for her. I'm exactly the same way - which is why I got a divorce from my first husband. He had issues, and I was always going to take care of him which meant he was never going to get past those issues.

choclohontas and tunner will be just fine. Maybe better than if they stayed with you. She will have to step up and will learn something about herself, her ability to learn and to care and to be strong for her child. There's a special kind of confidence that comes from doing good for your kid, that you can't get anywhere else.

And he needs his mama to be his mama. Things can only be good for him when she starts stepping up the plate more.

And you can be there more for yourself - and mmb, who, I'm sure, could really use having even more of your attention as she heads into really annoying teen years.

And I'm interested in hearing more about this pilot. Sounds like fun!!!