a new day...

...today is a new day...a new year...a new time...
what does it all mean...IDK...

I like the wiseman...he's cool, quiet, not at all like his street persona...but hey, who cares...MMB is still annoyed but the venom is receding..much like the quiet before the tsunami...but hopefully it wont be too bad...maybe she will see that I'm really happy...

he ended up staying over...chocolate was wheezing and I needed to put him to sleep...he was on one side and the wiseman was on the other...such love...my little one said "muma, can I lay boobiepillow?"...anywho, I passed out...MMB had a bad dream and came into my room to see the wiseman...she was angry and rightfully so, but he was on top of the covers fully dressed...I asked him why didn't he wake me so I could lock the door...he said that with the baby wheezing and his mama being known for not answering her phone he was worried that if I had to take the baby to the hospital he wanted to be there to help me...

so last night he stayed over...MMB had a 'tude but it was short lived...I do care what she thinks and feels but on the other hand this is not sexychocolate, idiot or anyone else I've messed with...I can't explain it but to say I feel this one is a keeper...he never has luck with relationships past six months, and for me it's about three...so in august when we've passed all the barriers we will think about marriage...he brought it up...he does not know bout my money, my pay, or anything that would make me say "yeah, it's for the money, or what I have"...but he tells me "where have you been all my life" and tells me I'm his "darling darling baby" (he sings that song to me)...it sounds cliche, but his mannerisms, body language and the look in his eyes are hard to fake...they appear very sincere...and you KNOW I'm looking...HARD...

I feel safe with him with MMB, partly because he's know choclahontas and has never made a move, partly cause he has seven sisters of which he is VERY close to the three from his mother and father, and partly cause all his girlfriends have been older than him...yes, he gave me the history...

so that's all I'm going to say for now...I'm just living one day, one moment at a time...

HOMERUN...

I haven't written in a while...for anyone who might just happen to follow my boring mundane life I am sorry...
I've been on facebook, which is like mind candy...I can go on, trade barbs with folk and just not think...with the blog you must think...
I am cautiously in love...and I mean cautiously...idiot ruined love and relationships for me, but I promised that I wouldn't let him win...I was not going to become what he said I was and what I would become...
but the wiseman happened...let me tell you, he's far from perfect and I have no preconceived notions about him or his abilities, but he's like no other guy I've ever dated...
and even though MMB has pulled out her really special nastiness from the archives, and is going to test him till the day we split, she likes him...
I'm just taking it one day at a time, on moment at a time...I'm building no structures or foreseeing the future, I'm just going to enjoy the time I spend with him...

I slid on black ice last week and rearended a postal truck...the truck was fine, my car needed 2000 worth of work...the autobody was so happy to see a car they fixed it in one day...the only issue is that I wasn't prepared to have money until tuesday..

but riding the train is draining...so I'm going to sign off for now and go to bed...

Ball two...

so poppy finally had his surgery today...he hemmed and hawed and bullshitted but we were finally able to put his intestines back where they belong...he's home smoking a spliff and I'm sure eating some of bigbears good ass chicken soup...she loves her man and will take care of him to his last day...complaining, but she will do it...sometimes me and sis are like "ma, he will be fine" but that's her man and she LOVES him...

MMB found her father and got to spend time...I'm not sure if it was to spend time, watch the cute boys run up and down the basketball court or get money...or all three...anywho, my choca came over with the energizer bunny...she was in contact with little man, who likes me, but since I showed him my particularly nice side, was really attempting to not overstep his bounds...

so I cooked chicken fingers and potato salad..he called so I told him he could come over..."only because" I said "choca is here...cause I don't let folk in my house, but on the strength of her word you can come in"..."but act up and you wont leave with everything attached"...

first and foremost, brother is FINE...chocolate brown...slim but filled in...relatively well spoken...and get this...
I prepared dinner, laid out the table and we sat to eat...MMB came home, wasn't hungry but sat at the table...what a time we had...we talked, laughed, energizer bunny cracked jokes...he sat and absorb it all...not in a creepy way, but just enjoyed it...kinda like poppy...
after dinner I started clearing dishes as I like to wash right away...he got up, scraped plates and just kinda moved me out the way...he told choca that she was going to dry after he washed...now I love my child, but she is not exactly Martha Stewart and will only wash dishes cause she has too...if it's not her house she's not gonna touch a dish...
folk, he washed dishes stacked them the way I do and WIPED THE COUNTER AND AROUND THE SINK...2 points...
he rode with me to get poppy and bigbear...very easy to get along with...the best of froggy, my first love...

it's not love folk, but I'm impressed...I'm real, he seems to be real and he comes highly recommended...so we will see...oh, and he graduated high school...another point...lol...and lives on his own and never went to jail...boy, I'm on a roll here...and he asked me on a real date...I stalled him...make him wait...

IDK....

...I was going to tell the story of how I felt my clinical director undermined me and let me down on a supervisory level but I'm not gonna do it...it's not worth it cause nothing I do or say is going to change her or her narcissistic ways...plus I got much of my bad feeling out in supervision today...
but I will say that I've come to the solution that it's time for me to move on...I think ahead so I'm planning to make a move in september...the only way I can think of staying is if wildfire goes...she's a good friend (kinda) but a horrible co-worker...she does nothing really and then she decides to do her job, but not having done her job she tends to either A. do what I don't need her to do or B. redo everything I've done already...the other issue with her is I have to backtrack and check everything she does...I don't ever want to have an issue so I will just move on...

I don't know what my next move will be...I do like to teach, but a lot of schools want a PhD, which I don't have...I really know the committee of special education stuff but to work there you have to have a masters in administration and I have a clinical masters...I'm good with people, though I really need a break from seeing the littlies...it's been five years...
I need to publish, but outside of writing my blog I really don't have time to sit and write and definitely no time for research...

on another note, I've been drinking a half glass of red wine every night for about the last week or so with my dinner...my other co-worker is first generation from Italy...she tells me that as a child she was not allowed to drink soda, but instead they would have diluted wine...growing up, she said, none of her friends grew to be alcoholics and most are in pretty good health...she herself at 46 looks damn good...I'm following her diet...
I have heard that red wine is good for your heart, and let me tell you its good for digestion...just let me say I hear stomach noises (not gas) that I haven't heard in years...since I don't like red wine and too much gives me a nasty headache, I don't ever have to worry about increasing my half cup to a bottle or two a night...

score two points for little man...he's the one that choclahontas is encouraging me to get to know...he works...held his job for the last seven years...that, for a black man, is impressive...also he has offered to take me out...yes folk, a date...a real date...he has also offered to cook me dinner (too intimate right now)...I declined the dinner but will go on the date...hey you never know, plus you have to kiss a few frogs to get to the prince...upon neighborhood check, he's never been in drama and is not known to sell drugs...now or in the past...ok, I'm still being mean but we'll see...I'm defiantly going to dinner...and no, MMB will not have the pleasure of scaring him away before I thoroughly research him...

I found free exercise classes in my neighborhood...tuesday (which I can only go to during semester break) and thursday (shit, which I can only go to until the new semester starts) and saturday morning...well at lest I can squeeze in a little exercise...

quickly...

I'm not going to take the professor job...the salary is the same as my current job...I'd still have to hold two jobs...I want one job with the salary of the two jobs combined...

dude 1 that I spoke about is a wash out...nice, sweet, but a waste...don't have time...there is a mentality of laziness that I can't accept...you don't have to have the body of a God, but shit, take care of yourself...take pride in your health...

choclahontas is attempting to hook me up with someone...I love her but I really don't trust her taste in men...lets not tell her, and she doesn't read my blog...but I appreciate the effort...she wants her mama to be happy...
he's totally into me...has a job, don't know bout prison but I'm sure he served a bid as many black men in my neighborhood have...but I was thinking to myself...yeah I know I'm a catch and those who know me do want to be with me, but what can he bring to my table besides sex, which men seem to feel all women want and are satisfied with, and no one is getting till I have a ring on my finger and a confirmed negative AIDS test...

my charming moodmagicbarb, when I casually mentioned this to her, went into a tirade- does he have a job? did he go to college? is he a corner boy?...I laughed my ass off inside...cause when I do it to her she's gonna flip and scream and get all belligerent..."well, you better never bring him around me"...don't worry boo, I can't and wouldn't cause even if he was a college grad and had a really good job etc you'd send him crying into the night...poor me...I'll never have a man...sigh...

but things are looking up...for the first time since the summer, idiot got the child support right...

so good night...tomorrow I have to tell you about the idiot I call my clinical director...

back to the grind...

tomorrow is back to work, back to school...
I actually accomplished a lot this vacation...I helped choclahontas clean her house and helped her work through issues...she way more relaxed and focused...
my moodmagicbarbie went to Miami and seemed to have a wonderful time...she is more relaxed also...she is ready for the second half of her freshman year in high school...
I got to relax...there were a few days were I just stayed in bed...did absolutely nothing...
I have my interview with the college tomorrow at lunchtime...I'm excited...I really hope the salary is worth it cause that's what it boils down too...money...I plan to work the two jobs for this semester, then I'm going to leave the daycare...I really feel that I've come to the end of it...it will be five years in june...it was a wonderful learning experience, but I can't grow anymore...
a new year, a new mindset...I'm ready...BRING IT ON...

A new day, a new year...

I have to give the blog as much time as I give facebook...that's one of my promises for the new year...

everyone has gone and returned safely from their vacation trips...fuzzy came home safely from Cali tonight...

I had my sunshine for two days...MMB asked me if he is like his mother and my response was "that's why you're eight years apart"...he is perpetual motion...he never stops talking or moving...even in his sleep he twitches and moves...those synapses in his brain connecting and fine tuning themselves (that's why babies twitch more than adults...its the brain testing the circuitry)...
His mama is doing well, I'm really proud of her...with ADHD you have to tell/show them every time like it is the first time...even if it is the one hundredth time...they don't understand your anger and frustration at having to repeat yourself...but that one hundred and first time it clicks...and the lesson is there for life...and they master it...
my MMB is settling into high school and into the beautiful child that she has developed into...her mood swings have even gotten better...now we only have to deal with PMS...that's still very rough, but we're working on it...

and for me...I realized that I'm not really happy at my job...when I'm no longer happy that vacation is over I know there is an issue...I love to work...but the spark is gone...I don't want to go to work on Monday...I really don't...thank goodness we have another vaca in February and a few days off in Jan...

but I'm hanging with the night crawlers, and not being a night crawler myself I'm going to pour myself into bed...I just wanted to give equal time here...
talk tomorrow at a decent hour...

today is a new day...

the beginning of a new year...I feel good...
I settled my difference with my girls, if not for just a moment...
there is peace in our house, in our lives...
and yes, I am a Jewish mother...lol...