Tuesday, September 16, 2008

I am angry and resentful

at the moment cause I'm tired of struggling...it's not like I don't bust my ass...I currently have two jobs, one part time (I'm teaching only one class this semester) and my day job that is falling apart...

I drive down the FDR every morning...I see fab and expensive cars...young folk driving Mercedes and BMW's, Volvo's, Bentley's even...and I ask "where the fuck are they getting the money?"

I have a masters, I have years of experience, I BUST MY ASS...why do I have two jobs and looking for a third to SURVIVE...I don't understand it...

I don't take days off, I rarely slack on the job...I got a "late start" in my career but I more than made up for it putting in sweat and labor...so what the fuck is the issue...

I don't sleep all day, I don't make excuses as to why I can't take a job, and every job I do I make it my business to learn it and excel at it...
so why are some folk so successful and I'm not? is it because I'm a woman? is it because my skin is brown? is it because I don't wear matching tank tops and cardigans with gap pants?

At this stage in life I can not take the risk to open my own business...I don't have the start up money, nor can I take the time needed to build revenue...I have to pay my rent which is going up 96.50 in two months...

so what gives? do I pack up and move out of state? is it really better? do I sell my soul to the devil? do I sell drugs?

so I sit and work, annoyed that folk are not doing what they need to survive, but focusing on me cause I need to survive and wondering if this election is really going to make a difference...

4 comments:

The Bear Maiden said...

The only consolation is that really, when you look around you at the REAL folk... they're all struggling to survive. We're all in the same boat. Didn't you see the news today???? It is all falling apart... All those high rollers at Lehman Brothers (well, not the high, high, rollers.... they may go to jail for a minute but they got theirs--at a 100 year old institution's expense)... they were walking out of their offices today with their shit in a cardboard box.

The folk you see on the FDR... chances are they're not from here. They had money when they got here.

Cuz the rank and file are all in the same boat...

And at least you and your master's are actually working in your field... for however long that may be. You're lucky. Cuz a bunch of people are working in the Apple Store or at Crate and Barrell..

Fat Lady said...

I've tried replying to this twice already and lost my reply once from my blackberry and once from my computer. I'm going to get this one through.

OK first of all - half those people on the FDR can't afford the cars they're driving. Or they live with their parents or are lacking in responsibilities in other ways. Some of them will lose those cars when they can't make the payments and others have someone else paying for the car - and they're paying in other ways.

Second - well making a lot of money just doesn't happen through hard work and dedication alone. The thing is that people used to be able to live pretty good lives on the kind of money you make on hard work and dedication. Now - well - you see what's happening out there. Quality of life for the average person is less and less in many ways. Everyone is struggling.

The people making real money are selling their souls - or other aspects of themselves. There is a big price to be paid for monetary wealth. I know enough people with lots of money and I see what they give up. I see what parts of themselves they close up because they just can't acknowledge or face certain realities and do what they do for that money.

And I'm not talking about selling drugs or stuff like that. I'm talking about executives who work for companies that sell crap to people or where lower level employees make nothing or get no benefits while the fat cats on top make it all. And you know with all these places falling apart in the economy, even those people may be driving regular cars and struggling to pay the bills soon.

Or there are the rare cases where people are doing just what they want and are working hard at it and are dedicated and they are making money. But 9 times out of 10 those people had to take a huge risk and make a big sacrifice to go after that.

What is it that you would do if you were willing to take the risk?

professor said...

I would open my tempura cafe, but I just can't take that risk now...maybe if I move somebody in to pay half the rent under the pretenses of having a relationship, I can...lol...
back in the day we sat on the corner and made kufi's...made a decent living too...I wish I/we could think of that thing that we can promote to make some kind of money...I can work fee for service but I just have to have another line of income to pay that rent...

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

u know
i think we all feel that way
i know i do