Wednesday, November 28, 2007

A beautiful moment....

once in a while it's proven to me that I am an effective person/social worker and it moves me to tears...it's not because I'm great or have all the answers, cause I don't, but because I am able to convey my knowledge so the person can process it, assist in developing their own plan and take action...

You have to understand that I can not disclose specific details about folks, even though I don't use real names, for confidentiality reasons...it would hurt my heart if they happen to stumble across my blog and see that I'm revealing their secrets, so I have to give the abbreviated story...

I have a friend/love (we decided that I will be a mentor, not girlfriend, which is ok with me cause I see this dudes heart which is beautiful and want him to remain in my life)...he's having a hard time in life...a very hard time...he had a really fucked up childhood, but had caring folk that took him in a did the best they could...he made a few wrong turns and is paying the price...

He came to me the other night and spilled his story...from beginning to end...I listened for two hours and did not say anything...but two themes emerged...he felt that he could only get positive results from being violent, disrespectful and rude, or paying folks off...the other theme is that everyone tells him its going to be ok, they admire his strength and keep his head up, but at the end of the day his fundamental needs are not being met...he still needs carfare to find a job and food (dude goes all day without eating sometimes)...

I walked with this conversation on my mind for a few days...I talked it over with bigbear (not being specific of course) and other folk...some got it, some didn't...I thought about how I would feel if I were in his place and how I feel when I'm faced with difficult situations...
for one, I hate when I have no food/money/bill can't get paid and someone tells me "you will be ok" duh, I know I WILL be ok, but I'm NOT ok now...I need to know what I can do to change my situation at that moment...

I realized that folk who are in difficult situations need concrete solutions...that's not telling them WHAT to do, but what needs to be done to achieve results...also folks need a boost...sometimes it's money (you need money to make money) or supplies to make a product, or information (specific people to call, specific places to go)...
I also looked at why dude has filled out MANY job applications and has not been called...

I realized that:
-dude had attachment/rejection issues that affects his interpersonal interactions
-he is clinically depressed
-on paper he is a loser but as a person he is a gem
-he needed concrete solutions in order to develop a game plan

so with this information I formulated the following plan:
-dude had to try it my way with an open heart and mind
-dude needed to sell himself at job interviews/when picking up/filling out applications
-he needed to wear the "uniform" of the job interviewee- white collared shirt, tie, kackies, nice shoes and belt
-he needed a weekly metrocard in order to go to job interviews

I explained to him that I understand why he does what he does and why he thinks the way he does...and I showed him the connections between his experiences and how it relates/affects his difficulties in life...I told him what he needs to do/say on an interview and gave him 40.00 for a weekly metrocard and two white shirts and ties...concrete solutions...

I did not hear from hear from him until today, when he came to the job dressed to the nines in a button down shirt and tie, kackies, shoes, no hat, and a nice belt...he had filled out 12 applications, had a stack to fill out, and had been promised 1 call back...

I am so proud of him...I couldn't stop hugging him...the ladies on the job complemented him and told him how professional he looked...he BEAMED...he wore his clothes all day, showing his mom, the block, the folks he lives with...all day he got positive feedback and results...he was happy, relaxed and at that moment ready to face the future cause today the future doesn't look so bleak...

3 comments:

The Bear Maiden said...

That's really, really, cool. I really hope he gets that one job (and I'm sure he will) and then that will prove people like landlady wrong :).

Big Mama Bear said...

Hey you can really write, very expressive. Things work, concrete things. And the idea thet you just keep it moving, like water. so much better to be on t his side of the Divide, let landlady have the oter side, it's cold and lonely and full of traps that witll snap your feeties off when you sprong them, and realestate is a Great Big Trap of you stoopid and greedy

Regina said...

It is amazing how a little positive can snowball into a lot - here's hoping this turns into a snowstorm of positives for him! Way to get him started!