its been a while...

I needed to give this writing thing a break...I had to ask myself why am I writing...to appease others? to find myself? to have a forum to complain? did I want to write just to get comments (of which I don't get often...which is ok sometimes)...
Also I don't have an addictive personality, so I do things, move on, then come back to it...

So if anyone is really interested I will update you...

I love my sexychocolate...he is my rolldog, my sidekick, my shadow...we spend every day together...hes okay with being in the passenger seat...we bicker, we think alike...its weird...I will think something and he will say it...that only happens with a few folks...my kids and wildfire come to mind...I will look at something and he will say "look ma..." He's going through a really hard time right now, but he's holding strong and has not given in to the temptation of the street...yet...he knows I won't tolerate that. I told him I wouldn't take a dime of dirty money, and he wouldn't be invite back...I think he loves/respects me too much to fuck this up. He has drama, but it doesn't affect me or my relationship with him, and that's cool.
I have to admit, this love thing was completely unexpected and hit me over the head...he's so wrong for me, and hypervigilantbarb jumped in my shit about settling (so bearmaiden you don't have to), but the thing is he is the kindest, gentlest, and most respectful dude that has ever crossed my path...bearmaiden, think beautiful hair has a guy...yeah, complete with tears and giving every homeless person his change...and it's not lust AT ALL...though we've had some beautiful and tender makeout sessions (I can hear MMB gagging and slamming the laptop shut)...

Moodmagicbarbie is doing ok...minus a few mood swings, but I have to admit, they are really few and far between. she's still secretive as hell, but she is opening up more...she likes sexychocolate, but doesn't like the idea of sharing me with anyone...

choclahontas...I love her more than life itself but the bitch gotta go...I'm being run out of the house by the dirty laundry...I told her she can stay but the shit gotta go...well actually I gave her the deadline...yes, bearmaiden the deadline...feb 4th...

My chocolate sunshine is sick...hes fighting a cold...his chest is tight and wheezes when he jumps around too much...we're holding off on taking him to the doctor cause I'm convinced that the asthma medication makes it worse...he's sleeping peacefully now so I'm not too worried...I lived with asthma with bearmaiden and choclahontas so I know...

In another post, I will discuss the downward spiral of our minority men...watching sexychocolate and others it has become clear to me how it happens...now we have to figure out as strong women how to turn the trend around...

bloglife is boring me...

too many things happen in my day for me to keep track of...then when I get home I have to deal with bullshit and choclahontas creeping mess...rather its a vine out of control...I have to beat it back...I pray to God that he grants me a miracle so she can move out...I've pushed her move out date to Feb when she gets money again...
I've applied for a third job, hopefully that will come through then I can pay the rent by myself, and have some money left over to eat...

I'm also very angry at God...I've been single for 12 years...I had one dude who was strictly a babysitter, but he turned out to be a creep...he lived with me for exchange of childcare (poppabear was very sick, bigbear was stressed, bearmaiden was pregnant and I was in the second half of my semester in school and I didn't want to drop out)...and the other dude was strictly there to get back at the devil himself (aka idiot)...needless to say that was a dumb move and it didn't work out either...
so anyway...
the guy that I am most compatible with is 13 years my junior, an ex-con and has a girl pregnant (but there is a 50/50 chance its not his cause she fessed up to fucking around)...but he is the sweetest, most considerate guy I have ever met...he's wonderful with the girls...he was a friend to choclahontas, her "brother" in the street...he has liked me for years (I think about 4 or 5) and used to lie about his age to get me to go on a date with him...
he is definitely a diamond in the rough, but is not stupid...but this is what God always does to me...he will show me someone/something special, then put all kinds of ridiculous obstacles in my way...I've learned to keep it moving, and not even engage...but on the other hand, I got another raise...go figure...