reflections

poppy losing his leg got me to thinking...it got me to look at my own prejudices...i took informal polls...i thought....and i thought some more...

as i look back on my, thank God, short list of horrible men, i realized that i often overlooked important things, like intelligence, for a perfect physical specimen...right height...in proportion...no outstanding physical flaws...eyes symmetrical...hair line in the right place...although the last charmer had a "five head"...

so when poppy lost his leg i began to marvel at the power of love...although bigbear and i cracked some pretty cruel jokes about the situation, she never once even thought about leaving him because he lost his leg...he was no longer physically a perfect specimen...I think of a friend who met, married, bought a half million dollar house with, but who says her husband is ugly, not her type, and never will be her type...the love they display tells me that they will be together for a LONG time dispite the physical, and if they even broke up it that wouldn't be the cause...

but could I, would I, walk into a relationship with the physical flaws on prominent display...could I, would I, enter a relationship with someone who had one leg, who was in a wheel chair, who was shorter than me...someone who society deemed as "ugh"...

i really had to, and continue to, examine my prejudices...it is easy for me to tell my sister to love what God gave her and to not look at the package...she found everything she's looking for in a man that is a good fifty pounds overweight...I look at bigbear, who fiercely loves a man with many many missing body parts...could I, can I, open myself to someone who appears to have, at first glance, the qualities i'm looking for in a partner...the ONLY person my charming child has given a stamp of approval for...but who is shorter than me...

being five feet three, if someone is shorter than me, they are short...no way to cut it...

my view of men, my perfect man, is that he is to be taller than me...tall enough to wrap me in his arms and protect me, shade me from the sun...heavy enough so when I roll over I don't snap his bones, or crush him in his sleep, or send him flying into the wall when I give him a friendly but good shove...I can hear my friend say "I have a good umbrella to shade you, and it's okay if you smother me...I LIKE IT"...

so the prejudices are all mine...a friend said in so many words "I can't deal with a man who is boobie height"...well maybe some share my not so nice view...but it doesn't make it nice...and how does that person feel? the one who is ostracized by society? I often look at severely disabled adults and wonder will they ever have sex? have children? will anyone, besides their parents or sibling, see the beauty inside and love them for who they are? and here I am contributing to the madness...putting down people the very people i advocate for, telling people to look beyond the physical...being a hypocrite...

is it that i'm covering my own flaws? that if i'm with a shorter man, someone bordering midget status, that my lazy eye will stand out like a neon sign? will society see us as the short and the blind? will the jokes be cutting and cruel?

but in fact, i am the cruelest of them all...we all see odd couples...they come in all shapes, sizes, colors and issues...and when we see them how often is it that we are the only ones looking? that society is so engrossed with themselves that they don't notice...so why would I be so special to be pointed out...to be ridiculed...
am i so shallow that i will pass up what could be the man of my dreams because of my prejudices?