a few things...first-thanks sis for the compliments...I still sometimes doubt my writing/abilities/thoughts...but hopefully that will change as I plan to dedicated my summer to writing...to really explore and tighten up my theories...
funny thing is, as jaded as I've become, I STILL see the good in people...I refuse to give in to the theories (especially with kids) that people are fundamentally bad until they are taught to be good...
within the categories each person is still an individual, and I try to find the good in all...my child sometimes does not see it...she will ask why am I wasting my time with a certain person...but I see things-good and bad...I remain focused on the good...I will believe in the good until proven otherwise...sometimes folks become so jaded that the good is securely protected behind a wall...sometimes folks feel like they're already bad (or did a bad deed) so what's the point...they use it as an out...an excuse to continue to do wrong...and some folk feel that it will all work out in the after life...
however I say, and stand by, the fact that 95% of a developing child's issue is their parent...children are 1/3rd the mother, 1/3rd the father and 1/3 the individuality of the child...but that 1/3rd that is solely the child is a blank slate...every word, every action is a mark on that slate...those marks can be erased or written over, but the marks never fully go away...but sometimes the stamp of one parent is strong...it overshadows everything else...for good or bad, but often for bad...I can usually tell how a person is by asking about their interaction with their parents...
the big divide is the issue of black/white/gray...we live in gray...the system (any system) is in black and white...some folks are born and raised in black/white...they understand the system, but often fail at the gray...some folks are gray...born and raised...educated in the gray...live and die in the gray...I am red...I refuse to adapt to the black/white/gray...I complement the non colors with my vibrant red...always the stand out...I used to attempt to hide behind the black but I've given that up...I have realized that there are so many shades of gray I will never master the perfect color...so I just stand out...red...bright...
we must always keep in mind that bullshit is a defense mechanism...the folk who are slinging bullshit are hiding something...unhappiness, fear, loneliness, anger, resentment...I have found that folks who sling shit your way in particular are trying to throw you off so you won't notice that they are trying to be you...good/bad/indifferent...to the bullshit slinger, you have something they don't, something they want...freedom? happiness?
but there is no space in the gray to analyze...that would take them into the black and white...it would mean understanding the system (any system)...but as most are living in the gray that means stretching the limitations of the gray, breaking through the walls into the world of black/white/color...most don't want to, or can't...the gray is comforting...like a warm snugly blanket...think about it, if they thought in black and white...analyzed the situation, considered the ramifications, do you think they would have done the action? I think not...the rules are in black and white...there are rules in the gray, but they are hazy...floating in the mist...always a little out of reach...it's easy to be self-serving in the gray...nobody notices...you don't stand out like the red...
being red my rules glare...I have to be careful to not have too many...the red is bright against the black/white/gray...folks don't understand the red...aren't used to it...wonder what it is, where did it come from, where will it go...never mind I have the same rules as those posted in black/white/gray...they're just red...
people don't push the red button, fuck with the red person, follow the red rules...again even though they are the same...they stand out...different...
to be ethical is to claim a color...any color...I'm red...you're blue...we stand "alone" in our colors against the gray...it's much easier to fade into gray...
In One Week...
9 years ago
2 comments:
It's kinda funny that you say that, sis, about the red. The beauty of writing is that you read your own words a few times and then do some more thinking... and right after I wrote that I suddenly realized the problem is that it's NOT black and white, either... it's definitely colored. I remembered about the colors because I'd done a T-shirt about race that said "It's not all black and white". Cuz when it comes to people, it's definitely not black and white. OR grey. It's decidedly colored.
But then you'll get people that will argue "well, it's really a chartreuse, not an apple-green" or "it's red-orange, not yellow-orange". They want to slip-and-slide to make themselves comfortable. And really, that's OK. Most of the time it's OK. But sometimes red is red and blue is blue and that's when I get aggravated. Because there comes a time in your life when you must make a decision about a thing and stand by it.
And you're right... grey is very comfortable and very neutral, and very very useful. And to quote Kermit "it's not easy being green". But if green is what you are, that's what you are...
MMB speaking.. auntie you think so much like me that its scary sometimes..
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