allll riiiiite....

the love isn't over yet...I am woman to admit I threw a bitch fit cause we didn't go to the restaurant I envisioned, nor did the night turn out the way I wanted...I have to admit it did feel good...but I sometimes get wrapped up in the forward momentum of my anger attack and can't stop...
the sight of him standing by the door looking deflated and confused as I ranted and raved will stay with me for a while...although I got a sick sense of power I knew it was wrong and it was wrong to do this to a dude who isn't deserving...
so I apologized...he hasn't come over but we talked a lot, and cleared the air...he tells me I'm still Queen *professor*..."just accept me baby, cause I accept you for everything you are...you're my queen..."...I'm not going to push fate...I'm not going to push and push to find his breaking point...I'm going to accept what God has given me and just flow like water...

please say a prayer for my poppy...he's not doing well and we don't know why...he told me last week he's really tired of himself...but when I pressed he said he wants to live to see ninety one...but he's not doing what he needs to do to make it...I know he's depressed...clinically depressed...but you can't treat your family...so all I can do is love him...but he's so far into himself at this point I don't know if he notices...
as much as I love my poppywoppy, I don't know if it's fair to encourage him to stay with us if he is so unhappy and in pain...this is a man that was tall and strong and herded sheep...to see him curled on the bed in pain is very hard...and hardest for bigbear who has to live with this twenty-four-seven...
I don't know folk...I just don't know...
I pray that he can be pain free...but Lord (and family please don't jump down my throat) if this is it, please take him out of his misery...poppy does not deserve to spend his last days on earth in pain...