insights...

1. I cursed choclahontas out the other day...laid shit on the table...told her i loved her but she had done nothing all summer...she expressed she needs psychiatric help, that she has anger issues and depression...told her the root cause of anger is frustration and depression is anger turned inward...what are you angry at...she stormed I cried...
but today was a beautiful day...she did laundry...cleaned her house and we hung out like in the old days...

2. I am so excited that my babygirl MMB is entering high school...as she nursed and we gazed in each others eyes, I wondered what she would grow up to be...how her voice would sound...who she would favor...
my girl is smart, beautiful, full of confidence and common sense...I know she will do well as she has done well up to this point...she sometimes gets on my nerves, but I know it's the age and will pass...I try not to diminish her issues, but for my sanity I whisper as she rages "this too will pass and one day she will turn 18 and become human"...

3. I had to go to the main office today cause the organization is stupid and lost my insurance paper work...although I still have insurance...whatever...the HR person made a point to take me around to introduce me to everybody...big boss on down...now never mind I already knew folks...I had the realization that "clinical director" has some say but not a whole freakin lot cause she was not put on an administrative track and bottom line is a consultant...so until bosslady tells me it's time to go, I'm not going to stress it...I will this year put more into my kids and work on not being distracted during session...I also was told of an afterschool job working with adolescents...which is cool cause MMB will be involved at that site...so with teaching and this, plus my job, I will be making a nice chunk of change...so I will have three jobs...go me...I love to work...

4. next tuesday starts my three week vacation...Im going to take chocolate to school when we are not doing anything which will give us all a break cause that boy is hectic...he NEEDS school...Ms June and Ms. Melba...they keep his ass in check...Ms. June has a distinguished voice that the kids listen too (the "bad cop") and ms. Melba is the sweetest...she's about their size so they all cuddle with her...she sings them songs (the "good cop")...now if he can use the toilet..."no muma, my peepee's broken...I can't do it"...

5. I really LOVE yoga...and I'm almost able to do "plank position" and "downward facing dog"...damnit that shit is HARD...and they say "downward facing dog" is a relaxing rest position...I freakin think NOT...but my instructor told me I did really good and I'm a natural...

6. I totally overspent my money...but I got nice stuff for me and MMB to start the winter and I feel good...I also am one with me, my body shape and my size and bought bras that fit...I have fatlady to thank...I didn't go where she went but I got some beautiful bras that FIT...I'm really happy with myself and my porno boobs...listen folks pay good money to have boobs my size...and I'm the same size as fatlady...love those boobs girl...
I still want plastic surgery for my arms and a tummy tuck, but that will just add the icing to the cake...
*just for clarification...I need my arms done cause when I was younger I bench pressed with the boys, thus the name "manarms"...however, as all body builders know, once you don't keep it up that shit melts and looks HORRIBLE...now I've been assured I'm the only one who thinks my arms look horrible, but I'm the only one who counts*

so I sit her BY MYSELF listening to the sounds of the street...I love Harlem...it's noise, smell...the crackheads to the Africans...the kids to the elders...