something beautiful

about two years ago I started the eval process for a child. He, in the year prior to the eval, had developed serious kidney problems. By the time he was evaled he had a feeding tube and was on a host of medications. we finished the eval process and ultimately did not accept him. Mom lived in the building upstairs from the job so I would run into her periodically. I saw her once and she told me that the little guy wasn't doing so well and was going to need a kidney transplant. She came into the center to tell us that he was accepted to the donor list. we all celebrated. I didn't see or hear from her for this school year, and she slipped to the back of my mind...but let me add that this women is one of the sweetest folk I ever met...when you meet her you are just filled with peace...
I was laying in bed night before last, I managed to get in bed at nine, so I was dozing and watching TV...the news was on and I was half watching...a health report came on and they were talking about altruistic kidney donations...its a program where if one family receives a kidney, that another family member must donate a kidney (as a side, Im the only family member who would ever donate a kidney)...so they were talking about an East Indian lady who received a kidney, and her husband donated a kidney...when they showed the kidney recipient, I sat straight up...it was the little guy!!!!! I cried...I bawled like somebody died...if anyone deserved that it was this family...now little guy can lead a normal life...he just needs to take anti-rejection medication...I didn't get a chance to call her yesterday, but first thing monday morning I will be calling her...I want to do something nice for little guy too...

Im bored...

...bored with life, bored with men, bored with work...bored bored bored...it's spring and its time for me to get into trouble...

I went to hypervigilant barbies house this evening...her son turned 15...wow, I remember when he was a new born...his father is moodmagicbarb's fathers grand nephew...chew on that...anywho, youngbloodken her favorite cousin...we had a blast...however I bring this up because when we hung out for hypervigilantbarb's birthday her man old-mryoung-alkie-ken (hypervigilant calls him the Grinch) brought a friend...fine chocolate thing...only issue was he was twenty-something...four I think..his birthday is the same as hypervigilantbarb...

now this poses a bunch of issues...one, I need to grow up...bigbear and I laugh as we shop in the junior section "damn, we need to get out the jr. department"...(don't get it twisted, I don't dress like old ms. young, but I refuse to dress like a social worker...the matching tank to cardigan with gap/docker/trouser pants in neutral blues, browns, beiges, and black...oh and rose...a good "bright" neutral color)...the other is I'm cool with old-mryoung-alkie-ken, and he's not cool with idiot (cause he's an idiot to everyone, not just me and MMB), but I don't want to play myself...

but dudes my age are boring...stuck in their ways...have too much baggage...don't wanna get up and go...glued to the TV watching sports (now I like sports and will watch them, but damn), think they know it all...
but I don't feel/look almost forty...I'm not as tight and firm as I was at 29, but mind body and soul I feel 29...that with my knowledge of the world and stuff I'm all that and a bag of chips...so I'm drawn to young chocolate thugged out dudes...I told you before, I hate feeling like I gotta protect the man I'm with...I'm the first to admit (and we've had this discussion before) that those we are drawn to aren't necessarily those we need or those that are good for us *sigh*...
but the good thing is I can have a virtual relationship in my mind and no one will look stupid/get played/get hurt/get embarrassed (namely me)...but no sex...DAMN DAMN DAMN...well, there are toys, but that's really NOT the same...

so I flirted with my new sexychocolate, and had a wonderful time...so tonight I can start to write the story in my mind...

BACK TO REALITY...shit...


p.s. MMB called idiot to wish him a happy birthday and he told her he's gonna take her shopping...I guess he thought twice about having to pay for boarding school...I had showed MMB the texts because she gets angry when I don't share with her what pertains to her, so I'm sure she was feeling a certain kind of way about the situation...I wish he had turned out to be what he professed to be...a girl needs her daddy...but I was/is a damn good mother/father...I love my boobiebaby and will do all I can to make/keep her happy...

I've been tagged...

so two things...1. I don't know how to do an active link (rawdawg has been asking me to blogroll him or tag him) and 2. I don't know five folks to tag (I don't like folks that much..lol)...but I will try to do both...
I have to write five things about myself, so lets see...
1. I like folk, but don't like them...I want to get married, but can't see being up someones ass (or they being up mine) for all eternity...you can keep your house, and I will keep mine cause at some point you will have to go home...
2. I'm happy having virtual, in my mind relationships...they are safe, fun, and I get to make all the rules...downfall, no intimacy (not just sex) and no memories...
3. fatlady talked about bra size, I'm a 38DDD (Or DD, depending on the bra) and I love my boobies...women pay to have big boobies and God gave them to me for free...a savings of a few thousand dollars...
4. I can't stand when folks act like jackasses just because...idiot has been paying four hundred a month in child support for about six years...but he makes about 80K...now its not the money cause I have my own, but you want to claim to be father of the year, you need to contribute time, money, energy...so he gives no time or energy, you got to pay...told him we needed to discuss a new agreement so we can present it to the court to save time and back and forth...his response? "I'm going to file for custody and you will never see another dime"...ok boo, you do that...1. MMB wont go with you and she has a say in court and 2. take custody and pay for boarding school...file your petition, have fun...well, no answer...whatever...(maybe that should have been another post)
5. I can really cook...I don't like to eat out because it's never as good as my own food...I love spices and to create...even the most simple dishes taste great when I cook it...I do love home cooked food like bigbear or bearmaiden, but restaurant food sucks to me...
6. and one for good measure cause I ranted on number four...I want to take a road trip...we haven't gone anywhere since grandpa died...spring brings road trip but I have nowhere to go...my friend in Indiana said come her way, but she's a little too crazy and I can't see myself spending three days with her (yes, I'm my grandfathers child...guest are like fish, after three days they start stinking-so I follow the three day rule UNLESS I REALLY like you)...

so later I will talk with bearmaiden about how to paste an active link...then the next challange is finding five folk...rawdawg you will be one, but don't get all fancy...just write five things we don't know (and don't tell us about penis size and all that dumb shit...)

SPRING IS ON ITS WAY!!!!!!!

I love spring...new beginnings..wonderful opportunities to people watch (love the mating dance)and most of all to sit and feel the warm sun on your face...I have to admit I will miss the terrace I had in the bronx...I had made a beautiful rock garden...but won't miss the suddenly active car wash that was right behind me...
I love being out and about after hibernating all winter, and am particularly happy this spring cause I didn't gain weight...actually I lost...been holding at 170..once I start walking around, I will easily lose more...

now I'm not hung up on my size (size 6-8 pants, med to large shirt)...I stay off the scale on a regular basis (or I will obsess) and I watch my food...I eat healthy and in healthy proportions, I've cut the sugar somewhat (my weakness) and really been substituting good for bad foods...which leads me to two points...

one, being five three and 170, according to criteria is considered obese...but with humongous boobs (which I love and will show lots of cleavage when the weather is warm) and very heavy bones (when I had my accident they told me my bones are very heavy in comparison to others)and my love of lifting weights (without effort I can push 70 to 100- for a girl that's good)I'm not worried...as long as I'm not jiggling and shaking I'm good...

but why do I have to shop down town...every week me and bigbear hop the train to go to the "other" neighborhood to buy food...in my hood there are no vegetable stands, no meat markets, and horrible supermarket that sell below average food...you find nothing but pork and synthetic food...the only saving grace here is that folks eat lots of shrimp so the fish market is clean and well stocked...but I can't shop out here...the vegetables are old, molded, and wilted...the meat is expired and stinky...and no one cares...

so since I've been doing this, me and MMB have felt more energetic, our skin is glowing and her mood swings have subsided somewhat and I got into my size 29 seven jeans...last night as she ate a Annie Chung dinner, crackers with goat cheese and smoked salmon and celery with salt she remarked that this was a delicious quick dinner...

so I'm waiting for her to get ready cause we are going out into the warm weather to walk around and shop for spring clothes...

my baby's home...

as I said in an email to friends, when he started tearing up the ICU and talking/screaming they knew it was time for him to go home...they didn't even send him upstairs...I say it's the power of prayers and the boobie constitution of a horse...

keep by boobala in your prayers...

...my chocolate sunshine is in the hospital...in ICU with asthma...he had an allergic reaction to my moms dog...seems he was burying his head in the fur...his allergies are just now starting to flair up...choclahontas was/is allergic to EVERYTHING...when she was younger it was ridicules...beef (who is allergic to beef), corn, tomatoes to name a few...pnuts, almond and any protein nut would set off her asthma...she's kinda outgrown most allergies except for shellfish...if she eats it, she can die...the other day bigbear, MMB and I went to a Chinese restaurant...MMB bit into a spring roll, thinking it was vegetarian and there was a shrimp...had that been choclahontas, we would have had about ten minutes to get to the hospital...if she even smells it, it sets off an attack..
so anyway, as long as they keep the dog clipped, Sky's ok...but when Sky's sick, it's like the sun went behind a cloud...
last night he got the neb every 45 minutes...he needs every three hours to get out of ICU and every six hours to go home...I guess he should be home by sat...but with asthma, so much can go so wrong so fast...you gotta be careful...but thank God he's not like the kid in the next bed...I was counting my blessings...

I thank God that MMB is not a sickly child...she has the constitution of a horse...it's that boobybaby thing...whirlwind is a boobybaby and that's his saving grace...my choclahontas didn't have that opportunity...

hey, but MMB made the honor roll this marking period...she got a 97 in english (among other good grades)...my boo is very smart but very lazy like her grandpa...but on the real, she had a very hard adjustment from her alternative elementary to her general run of the mill junior high...

I'm really still very sick, and have a lot of shit to do tomorrow, but I just wanted to touch base...and if you get a chance to go to my folk, rawdawg (you know I don't know how to make an active link...visit bearmaiden and follow her links) you will see a beautiful hunk of man with long braids and tattoos...now in real life I don't talk to dudes like that, and they defiantly don't like me...I'm not their general types...ass not big enough...lol...but damn baby...k, I admit, my first crush was Ice Cube...LMAO...

a few things about work...

...k, so I'm sitting here eating lunch and a few pet peeves come to mind about the workplace...

1. do your job...you are hired to do a certain job, so freakin do it...and do it in a timely fashion...especially if your job is not difficult...if you don't like your job, get another one, or go to school so you can get another one...but when you don't pull your weight, it throws everyone/everything off...
I hear teachers complain that this kid is bad, or they don't want to deal with that kid...uh, you are hired to DEAL with that kid...

2. if you go to a foreign country and come back sick...DON'T COME TO WORK...we are not immune to those germs...now I'm at work sick, but I got it from a little child showering me with snot in a particularly juicy sneeze...but a co-worker came back from the Philippines sick, and she has infected everyone...so now I'm dealing with a double whammy...if you have to come to work sick (like me, who is the sole provider in my home) take precautions...wash your hands, walk with hand sanitizer...the only one who has gotten sick from me is whirlwind, but not even, cause the other night he didn't have on a hat...

3. you are at work...don't take a two hour lunch...it fucks up other folk, and no, I'm covering for you, cause when I got to take a two hour lunch I tell everyone...they won't dock you as long as it's not a regular thing...

4. before you decide to take a fake sick day...make sure there is coverage...the uptown site had EVERYONE out one day...I thought it was a sickout...no, it was just a nice day...the poor aide that was left in the class was completely overwhelmed with our sp ed kids jumping off the tables, fighting over toys...it was like herding ants...

5. if you have nothing to do, don't advertise it...don't sit and obviously read magazines, newspapers etc, or fall asleep at the front desk...it makes up folk who are working feel like reporting your ass...now I'm one for a nap, but I go in my office and close the door...

6. don't do what you did back in the day...the shit didn't work then, stop trying to drag it into now...the issue with the work place is that one must forge ahead, break new ground, not get stuck and stagnant...and stop ordering supplies we don't need and don't get a fucken attitude when you get barked at...we barely have a job, there is no need to order 100 boxes of 5000 staples...we are still using the staples that were ordered 4 years ago...

and finally 7. if you don't share with me, don't ask me for shit when I bring in coffee, tea, snacks, lunch etc...I have co-workers who will eat/hoard their food and not offer, but let me buy some tostones and they are there with napkins and hot sauce...no bitch...back the fuck up...