quickly....

....cause it's WAY past my bedtime...
I had a BEAUTIFUL day...I had to go to the region for IEP meetings today...I wasn't going to drive my car, but it was COLD, and I DON'T do the cold...so I drove...
while on the FDR I heard Ice Cube (my first true love...lol) sing the song "today was a good day"...not sure if that was the title, but you know the song, done to the Isley brothers tune...anywho, while driving I prayed that I would find parking on the right side of the street cause I have no one to move my car...I found parking as soon as I got off the highway...YES...
I got to the region on time cause after I parked I caught the bus WHICH WAS RIGHT THERE...again, YES...all the parents showed up or were conference called...a huge plus...talked to my regional lady who said I would do good working in CSE and she would put in a good word for me...
my phone has been in the shop for the last freakin month, and I decided since I was walking I would go see what was up and raise some NY hell...well...my phone was not able to be repaired so they junked it, and in it's place I got a BRAND NEW RED PALM CENTRO...and I didn't have to pay a dime...OH YES...
met up with MMB who was a little crunchy, but while in route I got a text...CHOCLAHONTAS GOT THE APT AND THE LEASE SIGNING IS TOMORROW AT 3:45...DOUBLE TRIPLE YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! (thanks for all the prayers)...
I'm going to a seminar tomorrow at 8 a.m. and really didn't want to drive...there is NOWHERE to park downtown and I will get towed, but parking around here sucks...got to the block and not only was there parking in front of my house but it was on the RIGHT SIDE OF THE STREET!!!!
I was able to sync my phone without pulling out my hair and MMB's mood brightened like the sun coming out from behind a rain cloud...
Thank you God for such blessings...

in my quest to become more educated

I'm attempting to read three new blogs a day...
personally I think computers are boring and when I log on I check my email, myspace page (sometimes, cause no one writes me...maybe cause I only have 32 friends), my bank (to make sure my money didn't disappear, all three dollars I got in there), my child support (to see if by magic the arrears appears in my account), bearmaiden (a few times), fatlady (women, you must write more) and now rawdawg (he has so much shit on his page I gotta visit a few times...I get really overwhelmed very quickly...sorry dude)...but from each site I'm attempting to visit their friends sites to read what other folks have to say...

some folks are boring (I'm sure folks say that about my rantings), but some make a good point...now I don't know how to blog roll or roll blog or whatever the hell you call it in blogworld, and damn sure don't know how to add an active link to my page (bearmaiden, after you finish my taxes- which are a month late I might add- can you help me? maybe we can get it done before SUMMER)...and I already forgot who the hell I read (although I left a comment) but they made a good point about watching television...
poppabear, a certified genius, watches TV ALL FREAKIN DAY...ask bigbear...it drives her NUTS...I can tell his mood by what he's watching when I come over...but his life revolves around the soaps...got it from his grandma...uh, poppy, Nana Jessie's been dead about FORTY YEARS...bigbear feels if he would just turn off the TV he would be productive or at least advocate for himself and make some damn money ("we have enough" he says as he looks at you over his glasses while shaking his head)... but no, it appears to us that TV just saps his motivation...thank God for dialysis...he only misses his soaps two days a week when he's forced to go to work (just kidding poppy...we know you love work)...he says TV gives him motivation, story lines...

moodmagicbarb inherited the TV watching gene...when she was little, it was straight to TV land as soon as we entered the house...I can see her now, squatting on the couch either naked or in her bathing suit (even in the dead of winter) and her red paddington bear rain boots (yes, even when she was naked...I think I mentioned before my kid is WEIRD)...love ya too boo...by the time she was eight I found out she actually read the credits (weird, weird, weird)and would mention casually "oh, they did the music for rugrats too" or "hey, that person does the voice of 'whoever' on the show 'whatever'"...I stopped doubting her when she told me this, but I realized that she watched entirely TOO much TV...

but TV was easy, while I dealt with choclahontas, who ALWAYS had a drama of some sort, I know MMB was ok...cause as long as the TV was on she did not move...but I now realize, as MMB points out to me generally during one of her nastiest moodymoods, that I neglected her...that she was forgotten...it wasn't that she was forgotten, she was just safe and quiet...dealing with the diva, the idiot and all his nine hundred relatives that kept trying to invade my home, I just didn't have the energy to deal with a very strange toddler...now don't get it twisted, MMB got her time...only I could hold her, talk to her, look at her "mama, her eyeballs are looking at me...DON'T LAUGH...DON'T BREATH" she would shriek to who ever was in her space...or looking her way...she slept with me until she was almost ten and I realized the ONLY way I was going to get her out my bed was by sleeping in a twin size bed...

as I mentioned in my comment on someone's page, when I do social histories I ask the families how much TV does your toddler watch...the average answer is four to six hours a day...I have parents tell me proudly that their child will watch TV all day..."they know how to turn it on, off, put in movies, order movies on pay for view"...that's nice lady, but your kid is five and still in pampers and can't put together a three word sentence...
I once read an article that suggested that the rise in autism is directly linked to children's television viewing...the article was discredited and has disappeared (stupid me didn't think to save it)...I agree (of course barring biological and neurological defects)...in my work I see a strong correlation between the amount of TV a child watches and the severity of the child's delay...TV is one dimensional...no matter how they "improve" TV- HD, plasma, I can see every freakin blade of grass during the superbowl...a TV can't talk back, it can't correct a child when they pronounce a word, or help a child understand a concept...and it damn sure won't potty train your child...it's very hard for a child to model or immolate facial expressions or body language from a screen with blinking lights..."my child only watches educational shows" I hear...yeah, but did it actually help your child developmentally? I think not cause your here asking me to "fix" your child...

with MMB, even though she watched a lot of TV, there was a healthy balance with real life...she went to the park, she engaged in imaginative and reciprocal play with me, her nana and her umpteen siblings, and for the most part I watched TV with her and we interacted during the shows...

anything in excess is bad...but I think the day they released TV to the general public was the day society began to fall apart...and now with VIDEOGAMES...its a wrap...but that's another post...

I'm tired...

...but I'm on the computer cause choclahontas has the whirlwind in the tub...pray folks that the apt comes through-for me...I need the apt to come through...he broke a candle holder and picture frame because he's tired and manic...I love the diva but she moves a little slow...or maybe I just move too fast...

Moodmagicbarbie was in a moodymood these last few days...I don't tolerate the bullshit, but on the other hand I'm not going to argue with you because you're choosing to be an ass...
she wants to go to boarding school (of which I can't afford) or move out of state (of which I wont do because I'm just getting established and I would have to transfer all my licenses)so I found a academic sleep away summer school in Maine...so for 1,100 I can satisfy her urge to get away and I can have freedom for two weeks...NO DIVA/CHOCLAHONTAS, NO WHIRLWIND AND NO ANYTHING THAT RESEMBLES RESPONSIBILITY....maybe I will take a flight somewhere for a weekend, go dancing every night or just lock my door and chill naked under the fan with a frozen corona...ummm I like the last option the best...(MA, the visuals...UGH)

speaking of asses, since the day I moved in the lady down stairs has been a ass...when whirlwind was doing his thing at one in the afternoon she complained to management...when we walked normally in our apt at seven, she rang the bell and complained...whirlwind was having a manic moment and the bitch has been banging on the radiators for the last ten minutes...GET A LIFE BITCH...ok, I feel better now...

most importantly the possibility of me losing my job is becoming more real everyday...my normally overworked but optimistic supervisor told me today "it really doesn't look good" "I figured that already, but I was keeping it under my hat" I replied...but bad things happen for a good reason...I updated my info for the DOE, where I realize I can make 20,000 more than I'm making now for less working days (I get the full summer off)...ok, gold diggers, don't start wanting to be my friend...I didn't like you before and I'm still not gonna like you now...but hey, more shoes...cool...oh, and I can help bearmaiden stay at home by hiring her to do something...

so now MMB is in the tub and whirlwind is in my bed where he will sleep in the dead middle...why do I wake up half off of a full size bed with the gremlin spread eagle in the middle? please pray for me...please...apt, apt, apt...

folks annoy the living shit out of me...

before I went on vacation I asked my co-worker, who did not take vacation, to do certain things...maybe four things tops...she had a week...do you think she did it? HELL FUCKEN NO...now let me clarify...this bitch does nothing...she gets paid to file the daily notes and make copies...she's supposed to take packages to the region, supposed to back me up with paper work, supposed to make sure the medicals are up to date...but no...she comes in on time, takes an hour or more break to go play with her grandson, and reads catalogs and leaves early...don't ask her to do something more than once cause she will get an attitude and if you persist she will curse your ass out...
don't get me wrong, I love her as a friend, but she is a sucky co-worker...but she's been there for a LONG time...
I don't understand folk...if you have an easy job, DO IT...and do it in a timely fashion...I play on the computer, but after I've seen my kids and written whatever needs to be written...I see/talk with parents/bus company/director...I do social histories/put together eval packets and travel between two sites and attend IEP meetings...can you at least take the fucken packages to the region? file the fucken notes on a daily/weekly basis? I will find the notes all over the place...if we get audited not only will she lose her job, but we will lose ours...
and speaking of...the blobby waste of a human being teacher was fired...seems she was banned for life for teaching special education and "forgot" to tell the director...she was found out recently after um, two years...now she told me, and I brought it to the attention of the clinical director and head social worker (you know they made a big deal of me "following" the chain of command) and they didn't DO ANYTHING...so now with no head teacher, and no steps being made to hire a head teacher, the classroom can be closed...that means I will be jobless...in september if a job comes up with the board of ed I'm taking it...either that or I will go back to school...
I was thinking of getting a PhD or a second masters...I have to figure out which will excite me more...

afterthought...

...it amuses the hell out of me to check blogs frequently to see the comments as they pop up...I often wonder why folks are on the computer at whatever time and what is on their mind that prompted them to respond the way they did...
I'm generally on the computer as I wait...wait to leave...wait while the food is cooking...waiting to leave work...
I also love to watch highways...in my old apt I lived facing the highway...its cool to watch the cars and wonder where they are going and where they came from...did they travel a great distance or just got on...

hopefully choclahontas is moving...

...we viewed an apt in my historical complex and she likes it...papabear will put the apt in his name, so if everything goes through she will be in by march 1st...thank God...
I love her but she makes me tired and her shit expands...actually explodes like a bag of flour...

idiot actually came and got MMB to "take her shopping"...she will come back with a pair of sneakers that she won't wear, but at lest he's making an effort...ok, I'm joking because he hasn't seen her since thanksgiving, and he's up here every weekend and vacation...and he stays about 20 minutes away...whatever...she was excited...didn't go to sleep and was dressed by 8...unheard of even on a school morning...he showed up around 4...personally I didn't think he would come, he has a habit of saying "I called your phone and didn't get an answer so I left"...
but I'm glad she got to spend time...I wish he was a better father...
she wants to go to boarding school and I wish I had the option of saying hey, go spend the semester at your dads and go to school there...but no, he has a house-full...every one scrambling for time/space/money/a ride (cause he lives in the boondocks)...one son just got sent there for selling drugs/gang violence...the other just got off house arrest, and a boy that lives there is in jail (or out on bail) for assaulting his teacher...the three don't attend school for one reason or another...oh yeah, he is a teacher and so is the women he lives with...and his girlfriend is a teacher too...whew...

I wish the girls could have had a father like I had...crazy as he is/was...he was/is our rock...but God does bad things for good reasons, I just haven't figured out this reason yet...by this point they are grown/almost grown and I don't know if they would accept someone "playing" daddy...I won't have any more children in part because what if the baby's daddy is great...I would be so hurt if they had feelings toward the baby for having a daddy that cares...

but on the bright side they have me 100%...and I'm a damn good parent if I say so myself...not perfect, but damn good...

so I'm waiting to go out...we are going to celebrate bearmaidens birthday at a sushi place...I don't like sushi but I hear the drinks are cool...then hopefully we will go dancing...I love to dance...once I'm there I hit the dance floor and dance till they turn on the lights...

enough of the heavy shit. for now..

...I had a wonderful vacation and I got to hang out with my pookatoo...he is the funniest baby since choclahontas...actually he looks and acts just like her at two...he talks so well now and all the time...when choclahontas was little we called her radio(choclahontas), and he's inherited that gene...but that is one independent baby, when he wants his "cwakers" or "booberries" he goes in the fridge and gets them himself...
I love when he comes up to me with the kiss face and wraps his arms around me and says "I lovesh you muma"...when choclahontas is over, my baby sleeps with me...when he wakes up in the morning he's all smiles showing all his teeth..."goo mornin muma...how you doing? you OK? I want waffles muma...now muma...lets go muma"...as I write he took off his pamper and peed on the floor..."mama, I no peepee pamper"...that's lovely hon, but you got to do it in the toilet *sigh*...
my grandson is also a picky eater...he will try anything once, and if he doesn't like it he will spit it out and say "it nashy muma...yuck, phew"...but when he likes something he eats a lot...like two waffles, a yogurt, "pinapples" and "cwakers"...that's breakfast...but he's sooo hyper that he is nowhere near heavy...

today I made some slamming fried whiting...not for nothing I am a really good cook and I love to cook...I don't have food issues, and I've lost thirty pounds in the last year by eating...yes, eating...and living a stress free life...I eat healthy food, and found out I can't do any dairy, which includes eggs...
I was shopping today and I now wear a size six to eight...I remember when I was in grad school, working and stressed out with the idiot, I wore a size fourteen...when I hit a size sixteen I knew I had to do something...I didn't weigh myself but my five'three ass must have been FAT!
I love me now...I have come to terms with the fact that I will never be slim and petite...but as long as I'm not sloppy with backfat and rolls, I'm good...I'm a big healthy chick with man arms...lol...I can lift fifty to eighty pounds easy in the gym, I can hold whirlwind when he sleeps and we forgot the stroller, I can move my apartment by myself, and I look good in a dress...
so I eat healthy, I buy organic when I can afford it...but wait, I have a question...why is it in Wholefood supermarket where everything is supposed to be healthy they have a HUGE selection of sweet baked goods and beer? and why is it in the hood supermarket I can't find a vegetable or any other meat besides pork (which I don't eat)...no wonder folks aren't healthy...

anywho...I have a houseful with choclahontas, pita (who I'm actually glad is around, and whirlwind LOVES being with his "mama and dada"..."itsht dada muma...kisht dada muma...dada go byebye...goesht to worksht") and moodmagicbarbie who got glasses and is pretty blind, but is relaxed cause she can see...hey I got some A/X glasses that are really cool...

so I'm sitting with my feet up...surfing the waves of communication...drinking a beer and listening to the sounds of my happy family...I swear I couldn't ask for more...