the love is over

choclahontas is really being difficult...Bearmaiden says to put her out...yeah that would be great, but she has no job, no money and no where to go...and since (she reminds me often)she pays the rent here and on time, she really doesn't have to go anywhere or listen to what I have to say...

She is not dealing with tunner at all...she let pita take him everyday from 9 or 11 to 4...he gets him two overnights a week...I'm not opposed to pita taking the baby, but when tunner comes home, she is either not around or she will come home, give him a bath and then leave the house before hes asleep "I'm out"..."where are you going?" "out" "no, get back here and put your child to sleep"...that, most nights, disintegrates into him screaming hysterically and her getting agitated and saying "you want powpow? stop it" as she has the tv blaring...in the morning she wont get up till around 10 till tunner is walking in circles saying "cmine, woofa, cmine mama woofa"...or he will just go downstairs and try to go in the fridge...

I generally go to sleep before anyone, so tunner is put in my bed...plus, he wont sleep in her room, he wakes up and gets in my bed.
So tonight, she actually picked him up from his father, and came home...I thought she gave him a bath, so when she wanted to walk her friend to the train, I said sure...tunner and I read, then he pulled on his pamper and said "doodoo, peepee"...I touched his pamper and realized that he hadn't been changed in hours...I put him in the tub and fell asleep putting him to sleep...choclahontas came in but I didn't know it...

She cleaned her room by stuffing things in her closet...her clothes haven't been washed in going on two to three months, and she hasn't emptied her bag from the pow wow...

she told me she's going out...I told her no, she couldn't go out because she came in at five this morning...she told me I'm annoying her, and nagging her and since she pays rent I can't tell her what to do...I said yeah well you're a mother and I'm not watching your kid, I'm putting him in your bed...she said she doesn't care...I told her she has been avoiding tunner, and not spending quality time with him...her response was that is her problem and I need to leave her the fuck alone...I told her not to go out, but she slammed out the house anyway...I'm sure she wont be back until five or six in the morning, where she will sleep through tunners breakfast, and then get up to ship him to his father.

yes, putting her out would be great, but I would have to find an apartment and pay for it...she didn't register for school, she's not looking for a job, and when she does want a job, she tries to apply for something she is so not qualified for.
She does NOTHING...I can't even get her to clean up tunners highchair when he finishs eating, or throwing out his shitty diapers...she has TWO cellphones, but basically has run out of money cause she spent it on pita...

I told her today, if her ADHD is that bad she has three choices...
1.get medication 2.develop aids to help her get through the day or 3. get the fuck out, to which she replied "I don't have to, I pay rent".

Moodmagicbarb is her infinite wisdom asked me "well, since you let choclahontas talk to you crazy and she doesn't do anything around the house, why should I be respectful and do things?" I told her well, she's 20, and what she is doing is not right, and please don't act like her it really stressed me more...so far so good...

So bearmaiden, if your advice is putting her out, shes coming to live with you...but I'm sure you will have to come and pack her shit, and I'm sure you will be stuck with the baby regularly...I'm sure you can do a better job of handling her than me because I'm done...

I have become my sister...

...I'm a computer whore!!! I had issues syncing my motoQ...it wasn't acting right so I took it back to bestbuy to have it fixed...I couldn't sync it, it wasn't reading...I sat here for four hours till I figured the shit out...two things, 1. I REALLY need to go back to work and 2.I did it all by myself, and actually sat here...not good...

If you want to buy a major new-fangled phone, it's best to get it at bestbuy...pay for their warranty...it rocks...I got my phone fixed and they upgraded all my applications FOR FREE (well, not really, I paid for the warranty) but during the time my phone was getting fixed, I was given a loaner phone (not a Q of course).

So I was able to download all six of my pow wow pictures- I rely heavily on bearmaidens pictures- and new music...

so I'm going back to play...

Hey, moodmagicbarb sorted and washed her own clothes today without me asking...she only flooded the kitchen once (the sponge fell in the sink), but she cleaned it up...I yelled at her, but felt bad, I tried to make up, but she wasn't having it...

Tunner threw a major screaming fit at bedtime, but choclahontas was the master of the screams so it really didn't phase me one bit...

I had a wonderful day with the girls...tunner was with pita...we got our eyebrows threaded (which is beautiful, but hurts like hell), and sat in the park and ate our organic chicken salad wraps...I really love my girls, I give them grief, but they are really the best...

all is well

landlady redeemed herself...I sent an email, not nasty, and she did not respond. However later in the afternoon the locksmith came and installed a very expensive pickproof lock...I saw her and she really didn't want a confrontation (which I would never do) I told her I wasn't mad and I still loved her...so I guess she doesn't want me out and I was making her issues mine.

So while I was perusing craigslist I found a post on the misc section where a dude was asking for someone to talk to...his post said he was not looking for a hookup but he was getting divorced and was really hurting...I sent words of encouragement. He responded and we've been in contact. Now, he has not come on to me at all, nor do I get the feeling from his posts that he is psychotic (though I could be wrong). He has been forthright (too a point I know).
So we exchanged pictures and he is cute...again, this is not a hook-up...I'm leery of hooking up with anyone on the web...
But I count this as my introduction to cyber-friends...its kinda cool, now I see why bearmaiden spends HOURS on the computer...but all this will end next week when I go back to work...back to the real world...

here we go again,,,

Landlady at her best...my toilet backed up...old toilet, super absorbent tissue that doesn't dissolve...I told her I would pay to have the toilet snaked...she said fine, I'm sending someone, she didn't discuss the cost, or if I would be paying at the time of service...so he shows up, she doesn't...I have to shell out 125.00 to get my toilet snaked!!! for that I could buy my own snake and do the shit myself...He's happy, she's avoiding me (or maybe not) and I'm fuming...so I sent her an email, just saying that next time she should discuss the cost first, thus giving me the option to find someone else or wait...
I'm almost convinced that I need to buy my own house...I really don't want to buy a house, but as tunner gets older, and choclahontas doesn't look like she's moving anywhere anytime soon, we will need more space eventually...ugh, but the thought doesn't make me happy...I see more responsibility, more money going/flying out, more space to clean...
But the upside is the tax write-off and my own fullfledge garden...
bearmaiden is convinced we should go to Florida...don't know if that's where I want to be, but no investigation no right to speak...
So in the meantime, I will ignore landlady, pay my rent, and live my life...but I hate passive/aggressive people, and the shit of it is, she is totally see-through...

Pow wows rock and roll...

Check Bearmaiden for pictures, but WOW...I love going to Schemtzun!!!! I got to sleep in the elders room with bigbear and the Elder cause I have a grandchild... choclahontas and bearmaiden dragged me out of the room to walk around the casino floor...next year choclahontas will be 21 so we can go in the clubs, she IS the life of the party!!
The food, as always, was awesome, the drummers...WOW...its something to stand behind them and FEEL the drums and hear them up close and in person!!!!
I feel renewed and ready for the upcoming year...
but now I'm tired- but in a good way...
I will tell you more about it tomorrow...

its time to go back to work...

I have to much time on my hands...out of boredom and having working Internet in my room I've been perusing craigslist ny...out of fun, I've been posting in "women looking for men"...the responses have been hilarious! I've answered two out of the fifty or so responses that followed my directions and sent pictures (cuties), and am waiting for their response...
I'm not your average looking chick though I don't think I'm ugly at all...but pictures often don't do me justice...
I'll will keep you posted...

I'm up late...

I have to say this has been an enjoyable vacation...my little booger came back safe and sound, and I've been able to putter around my house and go to the gym often...

hey speaking of I'm down to 176...I found for me doing the elipical for thirty to fourty minutes on a high setting (10-12) I can burn about four hundred calories...then on to the stair master for 15-20 minutes, I burn about two hundred more...I then do ab work (of course) and maybe two to three machines...I also got to walk alot, I just wont drive the car unless I have to...

Here is something funny...I've gone on spurts where I wont eat something...I didn't eat any red meat for about four years...I didn't eat any carbs for about three years...but I decided that I wasn't goning to do that...I will eat what's healthy in moderation, and eat whats unhealthy in tiny amounts...know what I found? I dont like junk and cake...it leaves an aftertaste in my mouth...
but since I started eating carbs...pasta, white bread, a slice of cake here and there...is when I lost the largest amount of weight.

I have learned its dumb to restrict something totally from your diet...I am eating healthy, substituting whole grain for white, skinless, grilled instead of fried (except choclahontas makes a mean fried chicken wing)...when you restrict you generally substitute for something much worse...I will not buy cookies, cakes, chips (unless they are plantan or sweet potatoe), and I will only eat those things if they are homemade, thus cutting out the excess sugar, fat, and chemicals...I don't drink juice unless I make it myself...

This has worked for me...once I lose weight I can generally keep it off, and knowing what I know now, this time I will keep it off...part of this is knowing I am healthy, and for the first time in my life I am truly happy...emotions play a HUGE part in weightloss/gain...

I'm at peace with my body frame...I'm a big bitch...and that's ok...I'm not sloppy and I can out lift most women and some men...I love working out at the gym and having guys watch me in awe to see what I can do...

So now I'm trying to get moodmagicbarbie to bed...she does not like to wake up and so I have to start pushing her bedtime back and hour a day to acclimate her to the school schedule...This week she was gay, but threw away the rainbow belt...I told her I really don't care cause it really doesnt matter until she starts having sex to which she replied "MA, PLEASE"...I'm gonna take a page out of the blogger "boobs, injuries and Dr. Pepper" (If I figure out how to link her blog to mine you have to read what she did with her son and condoms...I was in hysterics!!!)
So if MMB keeps up her gay rant, I'm going to start buying her gay stuff, and taking her to gay events...I really believe shes just trying to get my attention... I asked her the other day "so you like boobies?" she said "just yours mommy"...that folks is the result of boobie babies...they NEVER forget the boobies...

Girls are funny creatures...they LOVE to push the limits, and do so just to get on your nerves...they say things that they know is going to rattle you and get a heated response...so I don't give them what they want...like when MMB said "ma, I'm gay", i didn't blink an eye and said "oh, okay"...choclahontas at this age told me she was going to have a strip pole in her house...she wanted to be an exotic dancer... I just tell myself over and over again "this too shall pass" and don't give an outward response...and it does pass...to the next idiotic phase.
All girls tell you about the piercings and tatoos they are going to get...I used to tell choclahontas "when your sixteen" but sixteen came and the bitch got a tounge ring and bellybutton ring, so I've moved the age to eighteen...thank God she's in cahoots with me, so when I tell moodmagicbarb "you gotta be eighteen" and she says "but choclahontas wasnt" my darling beloved says "yes I was, just just dont remember"...but this can spark an aurguement because both have minds like elephants and don't forget a thing...

alright...that's my rant for the night...I could go on and on...till next time...