Sunday, January 31, 2010

moving on...

I know that there is no perfect life and no perfect job but damn...can a sister be somewhere where she's appreciated? I realized what pisses me off about boss lady...she finishes my sentences with the wrong words/ideas...ALWAYS...
so i've decided to basically ignore her...do my job which is deal with the kids...and just do what she asks (if it makes sense)...she's so on a power trip i realize that until she's moved UP and away from me there is nothing i can say to make her see her ways...
so I'm moving on...

so Ive been talking to a guy, as friends, for a minute...he's a sweetheart...but he's shorter than me...and i'm tiny...so he's bordering on midget status...it's weird to me...i don't know if i can get over it...he's a true sweetheart...but idk...he and his son are coming over on friday to hang out so I'll see...but i told my sis and i must stick to my words "God sends you what you need, but not necessarily in the package you want"...so I promise to keep an open mind...
moving on...

i made a stand yesterday...i did not attend my stepdaughters daughters birthday party...i always feel uncomfortable and phony...they act phony...always talking about me behind my back but wanna give the big hello's then ignore me the rest of the function...i don't have to be a part of their lives and i don't wanna...not if i cant get the respect i deserve...but choclahontas went at the end...said they asked for me...whatever...mmb didn't go either...they don't go anything for her, but that's her issue and stance...i never stop her from being with the family...in fact i encourage it but she makes the choice not too...
so moving on...

today i feel good...money as always is an issue but i'm ok...and i have no complaints...im going to try to work on my analytical paper for the admission process and keep it moving...

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

I am extremely unhappy...

...this job is a hit or miss...I feel like the children...everyone is so stuck on "LEADERSHIP" that everything else falls to the wayside...
I ask for clarification on what I'm supposed or not supposed to do...the answer is always "check your job description"...ok BUT...and they NEVER answer my questions...and they tell me to talk to them in person and STOP sending emails...BUT...they are ALWAYS busy, never have time, look at their watches when we DO talk...
I feel like I have to dumb down cause it's the bosses show...I'm just there so they wont get cited...they say parent contact is a part of the job BUT when I say i want to talk to a parent I can't cause it's bosslady's job and I'm over stepping my boundaries...
they asked me to develop strategies for a child with ADHD and ODD...I did, but in writing it up I realized that it was deeper than just giving suggestions...so because I couldn't get a meeting with anyone I send this email:


Hello All,
I need assistance…coming from a clinical background I’m a bit confused with my role in certain areas…
For example:
I’ve been asked to develop social/emotional classroom strategies to assist Ms. teacher and point-people that work with child. Other teachers have approached me as well asking for specific strategies for specific children in specific situations…
There is no quick one page fix of strategies that I can hand out in a moments notice…I think of each child’s individual need/situation and environmental factors that contribute to the disruption when developing strategies…
In order for strategies to be successful there needs to be an explanation/conversation of said strategies and implementation…there needs to be an ongoing conversation on how the strategy is working and what needs to be tweaked…for those (like Ms. point person), there needs to be conversations based on the foundations of how/why/when strategies need to be implemented in order to achieve long term success…
When I approached Ms. teacher today with a quick overview and very basic interventions she expressed that she would rather receive the information in a few session course with other point people…she expressed she would like information on child development/OCD/ADHD/hard to reach children, how to understand the issues the child presents with, gain strategies and ways of implementation…
My confusion is this: in developing social/emotional (clinical) classroom strategies, who would have these conversation/sessions/follow up with the teachers? As these are not necessarily education interventions who (if anyone) do I need to pass this information by first? What happens in the cases where a BIP may not be needed …would I work closely with Dr. psychologist in these instances?
I’m totally comfortable managing this but I don’t want to overstep my boundaries/limitations…
Thanks for your assistance and feedback…


RESPONSE:
_____ – thank you for this. As I say to everyone – it is absolutely essential that you are specific in your comments. Which teachers, which students etc.
All of the things that you cite have been asked of you are actually things that are being planned for or have already been provided as support. teacher will ask again, even if she has been told the answer by someone else. There are whole wish lists of PD and discussions that everyone would like to have…..but we can only do so much at a time.
My advice - please refer to your job description – if it’s not part of your remit, then direct the teachers to ______, ______or myself.
____– I’m also aware of the ongoing email dialogue. It would be far more helpful to sit down and talk in these situations.
Make a time if you want to do so.
big boss

MY REPLY:
As your schedules are much tighter than mine I can meet at anyone' convenience...I can meet one on one or with all of you...


so my question is this...what they are implementing doesn't work...apparently cause the kid is still breaking down everyday...i can't have a meeting with anyone(teachers etc) without bigboss/boss/gettingreadytobebigboss's permission...but then they say that it's already been done...so if that's the case WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ASKING ME TO DO SOMETHING THAT'S ALREADY BEEN DONE? i don't understand...
I'm a professional...a clinician...i'm not a teacher/educator (except on the college level- does that count for anything?)
as social worker shouldn't I know what goes on with the kids? like today...an ACS worker came to the school...they tell me to talk to the worker-but I know nothing about the family because I'm not invited to any meetings or have the opportunity to talk to the family...
and what should I do when a teacher asks me a question...say I don't know when I do? refer them to the others? then doesn't that make me look stupid and not able to do my job?
and what if, because I haven't "done my job", I'm not invited back next year...then I'm stuck with no job, no money and owing the state 1500 for my taxes, plus car note and sky high rent and insurance...then what?...and will I paid for the summer? all this because it's bossladies show and I'm just a flunky...
this shit is so stressful...I care about the children...I WANT TO DO A GOOD JOB...I love to research, talk to the kids, families and really make a difference...
but on this job I'm seeing that this is not possible...I tell you it's better than the last job and I don't regret changing jobs but at this rate I'm ready to not give this job a chance...
so hopefully I will have a meeting and it will be productive...hopefully...right now i'm not feeling that confident...

Thursday, January 21, 2010

update...

since I wrote that email things has gone pretty good...we've had our ups and downs but i contribute to the "getting to know you" phase...
overall I really can't complain...life, the job, the parents, the kids are all ok for this moment in time...I even started getting child support again...
for the first time i really feel i've cleared all the fungus out of my life...i tell folks exactly what i think...i don't even explain why...if I can't deal with you then out with the bath water you go...
i told idiot his VERY LARGE family wasn't shit cause in the fifteen years my kid as been on this earth his family has NEVER done anything for her...no birthday/christmas (which I don't even keep)/summers/weekends/check in phone calls...NOTHING...he immediatly stated "don't you have something to do with that?"

now I'm not one to shy away from my fuckups...i'm harder on myself than anyone could ever be on me...everything I do is for a reason, granted the reason may not be clear to anyone but me, or even make sense in hindsight, but believe you there is a reason...
now the situation he's referring to was dumb on my part...me, along with another person were trying to make a point..."stick it to them"...the other person, of course, turned coat when the shit hit the fan and didn't stand united in our trying to "stick it to them" but hey, what did I expect from an idiot...
anywho, kids should never be pulled into grown ups shit...if God forgive me and my sister just stop speaking I would NEVER turn my back on, or take it out on my fuzzy...and I KNOW she'd do the same...but this family? noooooooo...if they don't like me they're not gonna fuck with the kids...
he's like that...if I'm not his friend he won't call, come over, or be involved with his kid at all...sad...it's not their fault...one should want to be with the kids just cause they are so great...
so...when my children are successful I'm sure EVERYONE will want to claim them...but remember, what goes around comes around...