something beautiful

about two years ago I started the eval process for a child. He, in the year prior to the eval, had developed serious kidney problems. By the time he was evaled he had a feeding tube and was on a host of medications. we finished the eval process and ultimately did not accept him. Mom lived in the building upstairs from the job so I would run into her periodically. I saw her once and she told me that the little guy wasn't doing so well and was going to need a kidney transplant. She came into the center to tell us that he was accepted to the donor list. we all celebrated. I didn't see or hear from her for this school year, and she slipped to the back of my mind...but let me add that this women is one of the sweetest folk I ever met...when you meet her you are just filled with peace...
I was laying in bed night before last, I managed to get in bed at nine, so I was dozing and watching TV...the news was on and I was half watching...a health report came on and they were talking about altruistic kidney donations...its a program where if one family receives a kidney, that another family member must donate a kidney (as a side, Im the only family member who would ever donate a kidney)...so they were talking about an East Indian lady who received a kidney, and her husband donated a kidney...when they showed the kidney recipient, I sat straight up...it was the little guy!!!!! I cried...I bawled like somebody died...if anyone deserved that it was this family...now little guy can lead a normal life...he just needs to take anti-rejection medication...I didn't get a chance to call her yesterday, but first thing monday morning I will be calling her...I want to do something nice for little guy too...

Im bored...

...bored with life, bored with men, bored with work...bored bored bored...it's spring and its time for me to get into trouble...

I went to hypervigilant barbies house this evening...her son turned 15...wow, I remember when he was a new born...his father is moodmagicbarb's fathers grand nephew...chew on that...anywho, youngbloodken her favorite cousin...we had a blast...however I bring this up because when we hung out for hypervigilantbarb's birthday her man old-mryoung-alkie-ken (hypervigilant calls him the Grinch) brought a friend...fine chocolate thing...only issue was he was twenty-something...four I think..his birthday is the same as hypervigilantbarb...

now this poses a bunch of issues...one, I need to grow up...bigbear and I laugh as we shop in the junior section "damn, we need to get out the jr. department"...(don't get it twisted, I don't dress like old ms. young, but I refuse to dress like a social worker...the matching tank to cardigan with gap/docker/trouser pants in neutral blues, browns, beiges, and black...oh and rose...a good "bright" neutral color)...the other is I'm cool with old-mryoung-alkie-ken, and he's not cool with idiot (cause he's an idiot to everyone, not just me and MMB), but I don't want to play myself...

but dudes my age are boring...stuck in their ways...have too much baggage...don't wanna get up and go...glued to the TV watching sports (now I like sports and will watch them, but damn), think they know it all...
but I don't feel/look almost forty...I'm not as tight and firm as I was at 29, but mind body and soul I feel 29...that with my knowledge of the world and stuff I'm all that and a bag of chips...so I'm drawn to young chocolate thugged out dudes...I told you before, I hate feeling like I gotta protect the man I'm with...I'm the first to admit (and we've had this discussion before) that those we are drawn to aren't necessarily those we need or those that are good for us *sigh*...
but the good thing is I can have a virtual relationship in my mind and no one will look stupid/get played/get hurt/get embarrassed (namely me)...but no sex...DAMN DAMN DAMN...well, there are toys, but that's really NOT the same...

so I flirted with my new sexychocolate, and had a wonderful time...so tonight I can start to write the story in my mind...

BACK TO REALITY...shit...


p.s. MMB called idiot to wish him a happy birthday and he told her he's gonna take her shopping...I guess he thought twice about having to pay for boarding school...I had showed MMB the texts because she gets angry when I don't share with her what pertains to her, so I'm sure she was feeling a certain kind of way about the situation...I wish he had turned out to be what he professed to be...a girl needs her daddy...but I was/is a damn good mother/father...I love my boobiebaby and will do all I can to make/keep her happy...

I've been tagged...

so two things...1. I don't know how to do an active link (rawdawg has been asking me to blogroll him or tag him) and 2. I don't know five folks to tag (I don't like folks that much..lol)...but I will try to do both...
I have to write five things about myself, so lets see...
1. I like folk, but don't like them...I want to get married, but can't see being up someones ass (or they being up mine) for all eternity...you can keep your house, and I will keep mine cause at some point you will have to go home...
2. I'm happy having virtual, in my mind relationships...they are safe, fun, and I get to make all the rules...downfall, no intimacy (not just sex) and no memories...
3. fatlady talked about bra size, I'm a 38DDD (Or DD, depending on the bra) and I love my boobies...women pay to have big boobies and God gave them to me for free...a savings of a few thousand dollars...
4. I can't stand when folks act like jackasses just because...idiot has been paying four hundred a month in child support for about six years...but he makes about 80K...now its not the money cause I have my own, but you want to claim to be father of the year, you need to contribute time, money, energy...so he gives no time or energy, you got to pay...told him we needed to discuss a new agreement so we can present it to the court to save time and back and forth...his response? "I'm going to file for custody and you will never see another dime"...ok boo, you do that...1. MMB wont go with you and she has a say in court and 2. take custody and pay for boarding school...file your petition, have fun...well, no answer...whatever...(maybe that should have been another post)
5. I can really cook...I don't like to eat out because it's never as good as my own food...I love spices and to create...even the most simple dishes taste great when I cook it...I do love home cooked food like bigbear or bearmaiden, but restaurant food sucks to me...
6. and one for good measure cause I ranted on number four...I want to take a road trip...we haven't gone anywhere since grandpa died...spring brings road trip but I have nowhere to go...my friend in Indiana said come her way, but she's a little too crazy and I can't see myself spending three days with her (yes, I'm my grandfathers child...guest are like fish, after three days they start stinking-so I follow the three day rule UNLESS I REALLY like you)...

so later I will talk with bearmaiden about how to paste an active link...then the next challange is finding five folk...rawdawg you will be one, but don't get all fancy...just write five things we don't know (and don't tell us about penis size and all that dumb shit...)

SPRING IS ON ITS WAY!!!!!!!

I love spring...new beginnings..wonderful opportunities to people watch (love the mating dance)and most of all to sit and feel the warm sun on your face...I have to admit I will miss the terrace I had in the bronx...I had made a beautiful rock garden...but won't miss the suddenly active car wash that was right behind me...
I love being out and about after hibernating all winter, and am particularly happy this spring cause I didn't gain weight...actually I lost...been holding at 170..once I start walking around, I will easily lose more...

now I'm not hung up on my size (size 6-8 pants, med to large shirt)...I stay off the scale on a regular basis (or I will obsess) and I watch my food...I eat healthy and in healthy proportions, I've cut the sugar somewhat (my weakness) and really been substituting good for bad foods...which leads me to two points...

one, being five three and 170, according to criteria is considered obese...but with humongous boobs (which I love and will show lots of cleavage when the weather is warm) and very heavy bones (when I had my accident they told me my bones are very heavy in comparison to others)and my love of lifting weights (without effort I can push 70 to 100- for a girl that's good)I'm not worried...as long as I'm not jiggling and shaking I'm good...

but why do I have to shop down town...every week me and bigbear hop the train to go to the "other" neighborhood to buy food...in my hood there are no vegetable stands, no meat markets, and horrible supermarket that sell below average food...you find nothing but pork and synthetic food...the only saving grace here is that folks eat lots of shrimp so the fish market is clean and well stocked...but I can't shop out here...the vegetables are old, molded, and wilted...the meat is expired and stinky...and no one cares...

so since I've been doing this, me and MMB have felt more energetic, our skin is glowing and her mood swings have subsided somewhat and I got into my size 29 seven jeans...last night as she ate a Annie Chung dinner, crackers with goat cheese and smoked salmon and celery with salt she remarked that this was a delicious quick dinner...

so I'm waiting for her to get ready cause we are going out into the warm weather to walk around and shop for spring clothes...

my baby's home...

as I said in an email to friends, when he started tearing up the ICU and talking/screaming they knew it was time for him to go home...they didn't even send him upstairs...I say it's the power of prayers and the boobie constitution of a horse...

keep by boobala in your prayers...

...my chocolate sunshine is in the hospital...in ICU with asthma...he had an allergic reaction to my moms dog...seems he was burying his head in the fur...his allergies are just now starting to flair up...choclahontas was/is allergic to EVERYTHING...when she was younger it was ridicules...beef (who is allergic to beef), corn, tomatoes to name a few...pnuts, almond and any protein nut would set off her asthma...she's kinda outgrown most allergies except for shellfish...if she eats it, she can die...the other day bigbear, MMB and I went to a Chinese restaurant...MMB bit into a spring roll, thinking it was vegetarian and there was a shrimp...had that been choclahontas, we would have had about ten minutes to get to the hospital...if she even smells it, it sets off an attack..
so anyway, as long as they keep the dog clipped, Sky's ok...but when Sky's sick, it's like the sun went behind a cloud...
last night he got the neb every 45 minutes...he needs every three hours to get out of ICU and every six hours to go home...I guess he should be home by sat...but with asthma, so much can go so wrong so fast...you gotta be careful...but thank God he's not like the kid in the next bed...I was counting my blessings...

I thank God that MMB is not a sickly child...she has the constitution of a horse...it's that boobybaby thing...whirlwind is a boobybaby and that's his saving grace...my choclahontas didn't have that opportunity...

hey, but MMB made the honor roll this marking period...she got a 97 in english (among other good grades)...my boo is very smart but very lazy like her grandpa...but on the real, she had a very hard adjustment from her alternative elementary to her general run of the mill junior high...

I'm really still very sick, and have a lot of shit to do tomorrow, but I just wanted to touch base...and if you get a chance to go to my folk, rawdawg (you know I don't know how to make an active link...visit bearmaiden and follow her links) you will see a beautiful hunk of man with long braids and tattoos...now in real life I don't talk to dudes like that, and they defiantly don't like me...I'm not their general types...ass not big enough...lol...but damn baby...k, I admit, my first crush was Ice Cube...LMAO...

a few things about work...

...k, so I'm sitting here eating lunch and a few pet peeves come to mind about the workplace...

1. do your job...you are hired to do a certain job, so freakin do it...and do it in a timely fashion...especially if your job is not difficult...if you don't like your job, get another one, or go to school so you can get another one...but when you don't pull your weight, it throws everyone/everything off...
I hear teachers complain that this kid is bad, or they don't want to deal with that kid...uh, you are hired to DEAL with that kid...

2. if you go to a foreign country and come back sick...DON'T COME TO WORK...we are not immune to those germs...now I'm at work sick, but I got it from a little child showering me with snot in a particularly juicy sneeze...but a co-worker came back from the Philippines sick, and she has infected everyone...so now I'm dealing with a double whammy...if you have to come to work sick (like me, who is the sole provider in my home) take precautions...wash your hands, walk with hand sanitizer...the only one who has gotten sick from me is whirlwind, but not even, cause the other night he didn't have on a hat...

3. you are at work...don't take a two hour lunch...it fucks up other folk, and no, I'm covering for you, cause when I got to take a two hour lunch I tell everyone...they won't dock you as long as it's not a regular thing...

4. before you decide to take a fake sick day...make sure there is coverage...the uptown site had EVERYONE out one day...I thought it was a sickout...no, it was just a nice day...the poor aide that was left in the class was completely overwhelmed with our sp ed kids jumping off the tables, fighting over toys...it was like herding ants...

5. if you have nothing to do, don't advertise it...don't sit and obviously read magazines, newspapers etc, or fall asleep at the front desk...it makes up folk who are working feel like reporting your ass...now I'm one for a nap, but I go in my office and close the door...

6. don't do what you did back in the day...the shit didn't work then, stop trying to drag it into now...the issue with the work place is that one must forge ahead, break new ground, not get stuck and stagnant...and stop ordering supplies we don't need and don't get a fucken attitude when you get barked at...we barely have a job, there is no need to order 100 boxes of 5000 staples...we are still using the staples that were ordered 4 years ago...

and finally 7. if you don't share with me, don't ask me for shit when I bring in coffee, tea, snacks, lunch etc...I have co-workers who will eat/hoard their food and not offer, but let me buy some tostones and they are there with napkins and hot sauce...no bitch...back the fuck up...

mans man, ladies man, and the girly man...an overview...

a mans man is self centered, his life and accomplishments are all about him...he proves his worth to himself and his boys...he shouts out his accomplishments and brags about what he has and how much it costs...
women are important but secondary to a mans man...they don't really exist except to fulfill his needs, when he wants...a mans man always has a hot young thing on his arm...he will tell a women what HE thinks she wants to hear, without checking with her...he will fuck a women the way HE thinks she wants to be fucked...again without checking with her...he doesn't like to hear the "whining and complaining"...he will hear, but not listen...his actions are male centered...sports, hunting, money, guns...
a mans man usually has a stable/harem of many fine girls to chose from...the young girls love the mans man...they attempt to immolate him, generally in sexual ways...you will hear him say "she wants me, she initiates sex and I all I gotta do is lay back and take it"...he claims to want a relationship but in reality a women does not fit into his life/world...he goes with women who celebrate his maleness and male power...a mans man takes his down time alone, with sports, his boys and his first nuclear family/kids...he claims to love women, and women love the persona he exhibits until the see the real him...a mans man has the breakup down pat...it's always the ladies fault..."she's crazy, to jealous/possessive, or I just don't feel like being bothered"...

a womans man, on the other hand, loves women...he fundamentally respects women...he can be seen holding the purse at the mall...his down time is spent at home, watching sports/cooking/talking with his current lady...he can be with strong women and not lose his manhood...a ladies man is very secure in his beliefs/self and does not need to wear his knowledge on his sleeve, or brag about what he has...a ladies man loves every curve, lump, and bump on his woman...he gets great pleasure in pleasuring his women, and knows that when she's satisfied and happy he will be too...a womans man can sit in a room with women and not have the need to become the center of attention...he is quite content to listen to the ladies talk while he watches his sports...a ladies man is the protector and will look out for the neighborhood single chick without having to conquer her sexually...he has his own life and is secure hanging with the boys, or letting his lady hang with her crew...the paramour of the ladies man knows her man might flirt, but won't take it further...the ladies man tends to find women who are equal to him, who are confident, and have their own lives and careers...they come together and share experiences without trying to outdo each other...

a girly man does not mind being the househusband and not having a job...he will cook/clean/take care of the kids while his lady is at work...he has no issues going to PTA meetings, parent/teacher conferences and taking the kids to the Dr...a girly man has dinner on the table and the laundry done...a girly man tends to have a lot of boys, but tends to surround himself with younger dudes that he coaches in life/living skills "my little dude"...the girly dude is not soft and also often is the neighborhood protector to young children and single women...the girly man will stray when he feels unappreciated and not acknowledged...the girly man tends to attract strong domineering women who don't mind wearing the "pants" in the family...

of course what I say is not absolute and there are characteristics I left out...as I reread this post, I will add to it...
I will, at a later time, define the women...

I'm not feeling better

but I'm at work...
one of the most annoying traits I have is that I can read things...no I can't see the future, but sometimes it feels that way...even in blogworld I can hit the nail on the head...I like to test myself, and often tell others the way it's gonna shake out so when it happens and I say I knew that, they won't look at me like "whatever, you're saying that after the fact"...
maybe it's because I spend my free time observing folks and situations, or maybe it's just what I was born with...I wish I had the time/energy to do proper research and write about this stuff...
My kids hate it, and bother me about it...they say "ma, you don't know everything", and I freely admit that there are a lot of things I don't know, but what I know/feel I know...I only speak on what I know...as I stated before, when I'm "reading" a situation, the less actual details I know the better...I get a better reading cause I just go on the "vibes" (for lack of a better word)...
there are a few posts that I will write in the coming days/weeks...but it's swirling around and I can't grab a hold of the words...so it has to wait...
but for starters I have a women in my class who demanded that the state take her child...he was going through issues and was being defiant at eight...after a fight (on her part) she put him in a residential facility for two years...he is now twelve and his brother is now eight and starting to exhibit the same behavior...this case bothers me, but who am I to say that she was wrong? but to put your child away because he basically was defying you? I will go into that later...

I'm sick...

...my eyes hurt, my throat hurts, my head hurts and my nose hurts...
and I have to go back to Ikea cause they got the wrong mattress for whirlwinds bed...ugh...

to continue my thought...

As I reread my post from yesterday I began thinking about my relationships with men...I love men, I love the way they smell, taste, the sound of their voice...I love to run my hands on/through their hair (or bald heads), and I do love sex (ugh, ma...TMI)...but it seems that I haven't found my soul mate...partly I know it's cause I don't care enough to look...partly because I scare off most men (its the man arms bearmaiden will say...inside joke), and the other part is I refuse to have random sex...
I'm not a prude my any measure, but I hate to feel that someone is after me just to gain a notch on the belt...and I hate when men talk to me and look at my boobs...

my father always wanted sons-in-laws...men he could pass his knowledge to...men that he could pass the Shepard's staff to (he says he herds sheep, I say I'm herding ants)...but the joke in our family is that he made me and my sister too strong...like I said the other day, I am a bad bitch...I intimidate men when I can lift more than they can...when I can solve an issue with little thought...or I get up and drive to Chicago in 16 hours nonstop...I really don't act like a snob or know it all, and I do try to play the "little lady" role once in a while, but it's not me...going on forty I refuse to "play the game" or any game to get a man...

but what to do...I sometimes get scared that I'm so set in my ways and used to being alone that I will be single for ever...don't get it twisted, that wouldn't be the end of the world...but it would be nice to marry one day...BUT NO KIDS...I will help raise yours, but I ain't birthing no babies...
but then I say...he'd have to move with me cause I really like my apt, and my life, and, and, and...

so I meet guys, and I act my usual sarcastic, comment making self, don't give up sex on the first, second, third date...let them know I'm a professor, clinician...and WHOOSH, they are out...maybe the issue is I like hoodrats...something sexy about a dude that can take care of me...protect me when the shit goes down...why do I have to be the one to protect some bitch ass college educated dude *sigh*...

folks tell me...including choclahontas...that I have to be "soft", and "ma, don't be so manly...let a dude act like a dude...act jealous once in a while" etc...but I'm ladylike...I wear girly shit and wear mostly skirts and flip flops in the summer...I don't talk loud or make scenes, so what is the issue? I don't talk with a full mouth, I shave my underarms and legs...I don't fart in public (unless I'm walking in a crowd of the borg, then I look around and say 'ugh, those folk are nasty'...lmao...or blame it on whirlwind who says 'no muma, you fartalarter'...)

so life goes on...I like being single...not answering to anyone...running down town to drink a quick margarita by myself...or just staying in the house chillin...watching MY shows in bed...controlling the remote once in a while...being beautiful FOR ME...and not having to take a million showers a day, and change the sheets every week (I change them every two weeks cause I take a bath every night for those who just said ew...)...and not having to wash a thousand white tee's (a hood thing)...

so do I care if I'm single for life? no, not really...would it be nice to share my love with someone? yeah, if he maintains his own life and leaves me alone once in a while, cause I get tired of folk and really don't want to be bothered...yes, that includes my kids...

but my parents would love to see me and sis be settled and married...but I'm convinced that as long I don't give up quick sex, no one will take the time to see the me inside...but I say, IT'S YOUR LOSS...cause look, sexy tried to crawl back, and idiots issue is that I just won't fuck with him...so I gotta be doing something right...

beep beep

excuse me while I toot my own horn...
I am a bad bitch...any man that ends up with me is the luckiest man alive...I can cook, know how to keep a clean house...I know how to treat a man but I also am very independent and have a life...I have my own paid for car (ok, its a Kia, but it's paid for) and my own money (that I handle quite well thank you)..I'm not sore to the eye, and I know how to have fun...ok, I have commitment issues, but I'm not jealous or possessive...quite the contrary, if you act like an ass I just wont fuck with you...it's like you never existed...

Today choclahontas moved in...getting her stuff out was storage was a little tricky...that ADHD set in and I had to redirect her a few times...but I realized that I could put her jimongous mattress on the roof of the van...I put the bed railing on top and used that to strap that bitch to the roof rack...DAMN, I'M FREAKIN SMART...and save myself from spending money on a uhaul...the blob and I dragged that thing up FIVE FLIGHTS OF STAIRS...
the blob did help, I won't lie and say he didn't...but he got tudinous and wanted to run to the store...he unloaded the car...choclahontas's neighbor decided today was a good day to cook shrimp, so she started wheezing...so I dragged that stuff up the stairs...oh yeah, we were on the clock, had to get whirlwind by 5:30...
it was a work out...I have the bruises to prove it...

then off to target where I ALWAYS spend too much money...

but while in target I got a phone call from sexy...he was in a jam...really? I don't fucken think so...I have an issue with acknowledgment...if you're living in my house and I'm taking care of you the way a woman should, it would behoove you to acknowledge me...people get it twisted...they think because I've been single for more than a decade it's because I can't get a man...no, it's cause you're not the RIGHT man...I am soo far from desperate...
so you let your babymama disrespect me and my girls and you stand by and say nothing and don't even acknowledge that you stay in my home? fuck you buddy...that's why that relationship lasted a month...right fatlady? eight days from acknowledgment till the bags were packed? don't play me...I told him "it's funny that you stood by and let me get dissed and couldn't/wouldn't acknowledge me...not even to your boy, but you can't even turn to babymama to help you in a time of need...who do you run to...I'm not grimy, and I live by the code of the street and you are foul and so cut off"...(ma, who says "foul" anymore)...what did he say? big bear will ask...what could he say...

speaking of bigbear, yesterday was her birthday...I was so wrapped up in my stuff that I did not acknowledge her...
bigbear is my rolldog (ma, who says that...ugh, you're soo old fashioned), my righthand, my partner, my friend...I could not be where I am without my mother, without her unconditional support...we talk at least ten times a day...we could talk for an hour...hang up...and someone will forget to say something and call back...for another hour...never mind I see her almost every day...we keep our privacy, and totally have our own lives but we jokingly call her "information central"...poppy says shes the straw that stirs the drink...she knows where everyone is at all times...if you can't get in touch, either call her or just go to her house...we are all grown up, but she's been in that apt for 31 years and had the same phone number for at least 25 years...folks know that mama or Nana (as she is known) will be there...bigbear is the fashion queen...a new outfit for every occasion...even just to teach her old ladies tai chi...she taught me soo much, like always look your best AT HOME...how to be a virtuous woman, a good wife, and a good mother...I want to be where she is at um, 29...beautiful, smart, accomplished (to us ma, to us) ma, this toasts for you...

cause I am superwoman...yes I am...yes she is...

that's my ringer and rightly so...I alone can lift a freakin desk over my head and carry it up five flights of stairs...or a TV...or a couch...while the men huff and puff, I look and feel refreshed as a daisy...
choclahontas is almost moved in...tomorrow we empty the storage locker and bring the bed...that should be fun cause the oversized queen mattress has no handles and she is in the middle of the complex...so me and my superwoman strength will put that shit on my back and take it where it needs to go...if you don't believe me ask bearmaiden...she will tell you...

I love it when it all comes together like a symphony...in class today I opened some eyes...a woman was sharing issues she had with her older son, and how her younger son who is the same age as the older when his issues began, is beginning to act out in much of the same way...
now I'm not in the business to tell you where/how you fucked up because it's subjective and my opinion, but God gave me a gift to see certain things...I can't explain it...give me some information and I can see the whole picture...it's like someone puts the words in my mouth...sometimes I have a false start but I can get back on course and the words just flow...the person has to take what I say and make it their own...sometimes the words come to me symbolically and only the person knows when I hit the nail on the head...it's also not important for me to know when I'm right, because that's private to the person and it pollutes the words that come to me...

it is my belief in order to treat others you have to be one with yourself...I teach that in order to help others you have to understand who you are and what you represent, and be honest...its not just about me teaching the text because if you don't/can't process it or own it, and be able to link it to your experiences, and learn and grow, its a waste...
for example I could never be a drug counselor because I was raised with the Rastas and we all know in what they believe...don't do it myself, but I also don't disagree with it...and I do know the original cheech and chong...

so as she talked I saw the picture...so as to not attack her I gently began breaking the situation down to her...linking it to the work...but I could see/feel the pain of her sons...could feel how big son's world was spinning out of control...told her repeatedly that I was not attacking her but she needed to understand the part she played in her son's unraveled behavior...used visuals to demonstrate how big brothers world was split, and how little brother must be viewing it...talked about how her detachment played a part, and how her son was acting out her unconscious and withheld emotions...linking it to the text, to the work, to the real world...

knowledge is like a a song with no words...the music starts soft and gentle, notes uncertain...the harmony of sounds reaching the highest high as realization sets in...to finish softly..falling to the ground like snow...adding to what was already there...giving the barren, dry earth what it needs to push that tender sprout of knowledge through to face the sun...changed forever...

there was no more I could say...no more they could absorb...but they got it...they took the work, linked it to the real world, made it their own...and I know this woman will be a good clinician because she was able to face herself and be honest about her inner most notions about being with, working with, understanding and loving her children...

unexpected vaca

walked in today to find out that they are doing some kind of plumbing and we will be closed for three days...
but as always, it wont be a vaca...I have to work the other site for two days (but only for half days), but God has blessed me because I was going to take Wednesday off to move the diva but now I can save my days...
so by thursday she will be in her own apt. in her own bed...YES... now MMB can come back to herself and stop snapping at me...yes boo, you've been a bitch!!!!

hair...

hypervigilantbarbie braided my hair last night so I'm ready to rock and roll...hair is strange, what is this thing that grows out your head? women will go to all lengths to have hair...they weave it, braid it with extensions or just wear a wig...then you have the other side who "fight" the norm and go with the bald look...making a statement...in my first life I was a beautician and owned a shop for two years...I actually still hold my license...I never know when/if I got to go back to the salon to make a buck (I'm a hustling bitch)...
its my experience that Spanish women love the hair...you should see them in the beauty palour...they condition the hair lovingly...using the best products...some women never cut the hair...it's a symbol of womanhood...for us, we refuse to do what's necessary to take care of the hair, instead opting for instant results that we pass off as our own hair...we fry, glue, and spritz the hair to what we think it should look like...women say they do these things for men, but men tell me they hate the weaves and extensions and hard hairstyles....when I was in the shop, the men would complain..."why you gotta get that?...take that shit out"...
me personally, hate the fake hair thing too...I never had a weave...diva will wear weave, wigs and extensions, but never attempts to pass it off as her own hair...so you will see her with lavender braids one day, her regular flip do the next and a fab weave the next...MMB has straight/curly/poofy hair and sometimes wants braids/weaves but 1. doesn't have the patience to sit and get the hair did and 2. wouldn't keep it in for more than a week, even if the process took hours (wasting my money...big fight)...
so I braided my hair...I am fighting the urge to cut it...just don't have the head (big like my daddy) or the hair (curly/very poofy)for a short cut...my childhood was spent with a "afro"...I actually loved it, but as I got older it wasn't a good look...
if I put extensions I put them at the end so my braids won't unravel...this time I didn't do that...my hair is just above my bra-strap when I blow it out, so it's not about adding length...I have this thing with being phony...you meet folk with this long fab hair, then the next time you see them you got hair to your ears...they say "oh, like my haircut?" no bitch, you took the weave out...

so I now look like I'm 13, especially with my weight loss...the girls tell me I look like a doll...but I'd rather look 13 than 60 (although bigbear looks fabulous for her age...45 on a bad day)...

on another note, MMB and whirlwind had a fight this morning...she was laying in my bed and he got MAD..."it's mine...move (MMB), GO (MMB)" she moved to my side (I always sleep on the outside, even when I sleep alone) "NO, that's muma...go (MMB)"...it took me a while to calm him down..."that's MY muma, you go"...kinda reminded me of the eyeball thing...

things just keep trucking on....

yesterday was also a good day...choclahontas/divabitch got the keys to her apt...poppy signed the lease...the second broker got paid under the table and alls well that ends well...
so now divabitch is off to her admissions test for the big fashion school...dressed in her fly thigh-high boots (plus clothes...lol)...

now my moodmagicbarb can relax...she was a bit snippy yesterday, but it's just because she's tired and overwhelmed with divabitch, whirlwind (who has been here all week...he makes the fish tired), and the explosion of their stuff...MMB likes when I write about her, but gets mad when I write about her...

but here's my gripe...yesterday I went to a seminar that addressed the tools of play therapy...now I did get useful information, but it was not worth the 159 I paid, nor was it worth sitting for six hours...she was good at explaining the playroom and why certain toys are needed, but toward the end she just showed individual pictures of the small toys...I asked her to explain the use of superheros, but she couldn't/wouldn't...as I sat I said to myself I give more to my students, this is really bullshit and how much is she getting paid...so at the end at the evaluation they ask if anyone wants to be an instructor and I said HELL YEAH...

I like to work multiple jobs...it keeps it interesting...I would die if I worked a mundane 9-5...that's why I love living in NY...there is always something interesting to do that's within walking distance or a train ride...MMB and I argue about that...she says she was born in NY so she can't wait to leave, I say cause I got here when I was nine from a small country I like NY and don't want to leave...plus, as I said before, I'm finally establishing myself and don't want to have to start over...once I'm on bigdog status things will be a little different...

so now I'm running on little sleep which is not a good look, and trying to figure out what I'm going to do with whirlwind, who is driving me crazy, until his mama comes back...now I remember why I didn't have more kids...