peoples isms

middlenamehat: It always tickles me how peoples isms manifest. We had an incident at work...first let me tell you, I have never had an issue parking around my job. But yesterday I arrived at the job at 8:19, but did not find parking (even on the wrong side) until 9:10. So while I'm circling the block, neighborhood, Manhattan, a man followed his wife into the center and beat the living shit out of her. When his nine year old daughter begged him to stop he decked her in the face. Their other two children looked on in fear and horror.
You have to know that there are all women who work here, with the exception of the janitor. My friend wildfire is a lot like me...we will defend the weak and children, and stand up to anyone who does us wrong.
So while this man is kicking the shit out of his wife, wildfire attempts to break the fight up, but when she sees its gotten out of control (they were throwing papers, books, printers...yes, I heard it was horrible...he was punching, kicking and mopping the floor with her) she leaves and calls the cops...she also helps to push the fight out the door, pulls the wife back in and locks the door.
So, one teacher takes the worst child in the room, the child no one can control, and locks her self in the closet...the janitor, the only male on the premise, goes into the classroom where his girlfriend works and closes the door...the parents who were coming in stood there, with their children and watched the fight, and asked one another "ooooh, what happened?"...other teachers said "its not my problem" and continued giving breakfast to the kids...
I'm not saying to get involved, but DAMN, can you back up wildfire, stand with her, make sure to pull her out of harms way...
So the DA called wildfire and wanted her to make a statement, but she refused.

pulling rank

middlenamehat: It's funny when folks pull rank and what they pull rank about. I like my landlady...when we came to view the apartment she looked at moodmagicbarb and said "I know you"...turns out she is best friends with the girls father's best friend. I told her immediately that she needed to follow the proper procedure and if I got the apartment it would be on my merits and not because we know folks in common...needless to say, my credit is perfect (it really is...I work hard on it), and I don't have a criminal record.
So as time went on, we became friends...there are times when she has confided in me and vice versa. We had a nutty neighbor (our apartment is in a house...we have the upstairs which is a three bedroom duplex, and the downstairs is a small one bedroom with a VERY small bathroom that only has a shower, but it has a backyard that needs alot of work) who we were finally able to get rid of...
Choclahontas and pita were going to take the apartment, meaning we would have the whole house. the former tenant was paying 750, and the couple were willing to pay that and even a little more.
I have never been late with me rent, though in the beginning I paid in in two installments, the first half on the first, the second on the fifteenth. When I hit on bad times and owed her about four hundred dollars, that was made up immediately.
She had an issue renting to the couple...she wanted them to pay the rent for the year, she claimed that since they don't have credit they would be a risk...and raised the rent to 850...lets remember the apartment doesn't even have a tub.
Since that time I've felt that she has been a little snippy. We are so over them not getting the apartment...the couple and I are doing fine, and as I stated before I need them here anyway to help with the rent.
Landlady works someplace else and commutes back and forth. She is not really around. She does handle emergencies and we always have good heat and hot water.
Because I have my own issues, I can't live in a dirty environment. I sweep and mop the downstairs hallway and I sweep the outside as well as the sidewalk. Even when crazy was here I did that. I shovel snow and planted some plants in the front.
So yesterday she called and told me to take the stroller out of the hallway...she has a realtor showing the apartment...that's not an outrages request, its just that the stroller has been behind the door for over a year, and she never said anything...I said "well, is it okay behind the door where it's been?" and she was "well, the realtor is coming" yada, yada, yada...and "I want the hallway to be clear and clean"...WHAT...what I wanted to say was "bitch, I CLEAN that hallway once a week, I PLANTED THE FUCKEN FLOWERS outside, how about a thank you for maintaining YOUR property and watch over work being done while you are away"...but I said "yeah, OK" and went on to ask her how she was doing...
We have had discussions about living on the two sides of the divide, and I told her in one conversation that though she feels she straddles the fence, in reality she does not. I told her that I understand the argument between landlord and tenant, but the reality is as rents go up, salaries are not...she has told me that the rent will go up next year because she is remortgaging the house...I asked "how much" she replied "I don't know"...I get the feeling that she is angry because the house does not pay for itself...its not that type of house...it was originally a one family that she converted to two. I also know that she wants to rent to another culture, one that is dominant financially...she does not understand that this neighborhood will not "turn". It's one block of row houses facing a highway...we have a community crack house, and a few rooming houses...surprisingly it's a very quiet block and in the year I've been here we've had no drama or police action.
I told her that if she were to raise the rent substantially now, I would not be able to pay and would have to move, I posed the question "is it better to rent for slightly below your cost, or have a empty house that produces no income?" she did not like the question and would not answer directly...
I told her that with the water going up 11%, I would voluntarily add fifty more dollars to my rent to offset the cost starting in October (when I start getting my teachers check again) as I have a washing machine that I MUST HAVE.

Clinicianhat: I know from conversations that landlady is in her mid thirties, has no children, and is very successful in her work. She longs for a family but is very conflicted about sharing herself with a spouse and/or child. She will not have a child out of wedlock and wants to live the perfect middle class life.
landlady has certain structures that are derived from living on the other side of the divide. The power is in home ownership. Play the financial game so your child can go to a good college which you can pay for. Everyone can succeed, you just have to get off your ass and do it.
Landlady presents with issue dealing with power and control. I surmise that she would not rent the apartment to the couple as the family would then have total control of the whole house, thus conspiring and cutting her out.
The phone call was made to show her out of town friends/family that she does have control over a situation in which she really has no control...she needed to prove to herself and others that she is above the tenant and can tell them what to do. There is no need to compliment or thank as they should be happy that they have been chosen to live in her property. Landlady could possibly be angry when the tenant decided that an additional monies would be paid to offeset the raising water cost, thus, in her mind, stripping her of control. Keeping the tenant of edge about the impending rent hike is also a ploy to maintain control.
She built a structure about the house and neighborhood and she is going to a reality, even though it is not reality-based. The neighborhood is not up and coming...it's been a certain way for many years and will remain that way, sans a few improvements here and there.
Landlady might also have feelings about the family which is very close. Although it's at times hectic and chaotic, it works. Bringing to mind what she longs for but is lacking in her life, a sense of connectedness. She overcompensates by being very successful in her career, knowing and engaging with the "right" people, staying away from those that "call her out".
In all Landlady needs to bring to the forefront the issues that are are hampering her interpersonal relationships. She needs to relinquish control and learn to delegate. She also needs to understand that she needs to let go of the preconceived notions of the "perfect life". By doing so she will develop more meaningful and reciprocal relationships.

cant wait till friday...

mamahat: So I'm home early...Choclahontas has gone off to her class...moodmagicbarbie is pissy, partly because her school went on a trip and she was not allowed to go...why? you ask...who the hell knows...
Personally I think it's because she stands up for herself, and I stand up for her, and they find quiet ways to punish her...

My house is not clean, but choclahontas VOLUNTEERED to give me twenty dollars (ten dollars a day for everyday that I have to trip over her shit), actually I can use it, gas is killing the budget.

I love my house, I love my exposed brick walls, my Terrace, living in a duplex. Our flowers, that we started from seeds, are growing beautifully...looks like they will start blooming in June, giving us a full summer of beauty. I have the back door open along with the windows and the breeze that blows through here is WONDERFUL...I don't even need an air conditioner on the hot days, we just have powerful fans that circulate the air.

moodmagicbarb is going to clean her room for inspection...she gets a dollar for every drawer that's right-clothes folded and no hidden garbage...that's six dollars, and she gets "bonus money" for shoes put away, closet right etc...she can make extra money for sweeping the stairs and putting all the shoes away...one weekend she made fifteen dollars.
I have found with girls, money talks. They like to feel that they accomplished something and have something to show for it...moodmagicbarb usually buys nails, or gets them done at the salon.

My crazy neighbor, who likes me but is the poster child for ADHD so I'll NEVER go out with him, is outside my window fixing his car...he LOVES to converse out the window...he's cool though, and he really looks out for us and the girls...tunner loves to call his name, and will actually whine when it's time to go in...I remind him "that WONT be your grandpa kid, get over it"...one hyper pain in the ass is enough for the family.

professorhat: I graded a paper two weeks ago, the student was not happy with the grade, so the next week, she corrected the paper and begged me to reread it and give her another grade...if your handing in a paper, common sense should tell you to read it over, don't just fix the mistakes and think it's okay...the paper has to be outstanding.
The class had to write a five page research paper on how they would counsel a child or adolescent. They had to include the child's developmental age using Freud, Piaget and Erickson, and describe the presenting issue...I told them that if they got stuck, they could make up a client or use a character out of a book. This bitch chose to use the character from the book "Push" by Sapphire. If you haven't read it, don't.
I don't know what she did, but I saw MORE mistakes in her paper....she also added two more pages, like that's going to get her a better grade...little secret, after five pages if it's not good I don't finish reading it...
So being that I'm reading the paper a second time, I read it and correct it more closely. She ended up only getting three points higher than her first grade. I only did that because she did make some sort of an effort. But she attempted to blow me up in class...getting all loud and shit, accusing me of shouting out her grade...WHY...I very calmly apologized for shouting out her grade though I said "I really must have had a brain fart, because I truly don't remember saying that". But I explained to her that she did not follow the outline and her research paper really sounded like a book report. She went into great detail in describing the most horrific part of the book- when the mother was describing to a social worker her husband abusing the girl while she was still in pampers (like I said, DON'T read this book...sorry Sapphire)...took a WHOLE PARAGRAPH describing this shit...I could feel her excitement jumping off the page as she recounted the story...
In the other class, a women wrote...uh copied...a paper...I gave it back to her and told her "this does not sound like your voice"...she was so lucky I didn't turn her ass in, but this is her last class for her BA, so I'm being nice...
This bitch rewrites the paper, uses only Internet searches that she didn't even cite, and takes pages in listing information that was totally irrelevant to the topic...so she got a very low grade and was PISSED...but this one tried to butter me up earlier in the semester...I'm young, but not dumb...and I remind them often that I too was a student and I DO know the tricks...
Ah, my first semester teaching...I can't wait to see my evaluations...I really don't care if they are good or not, just interested in seeing what they think of me...

hey...

Mamahat: my birthday yesterday was very calm and peaceful until later...I went to the track...thanks to "fatlady" (who really has to change her name, but I respect why she calls herself that) I am on a mission.
I realized that they fixed the track by my job, so everyday this week at lunchtime I went. Part of the fun is sneaking (instead of sneaking that butterfinger *which really isn't that often*) so I changed in the back of the cheesebus (thank god for tinted windows) went for a quick jog/walk, and changed back in the cheesebus (thank god for wipes...LOL)...g0t back to work and no one knew the difference. It takes about forty minutes in total. I laugh every time and think of myself as "superman" changing in the phone booth.
Yesterday I jogged one time around, walked one time, jogged again and walked again. Today I did three times around (each- jogging and walking), starting with jogging and alternating with walking...that's a mile and a half (each time around is a quarter mile). That's a HUGE accomplishment as I couldn't jog my fat ass around the track completely without walking.
I've been off dairy for about three weeks, no yogurt or lactaid milk, and have felt one thousand times better...no nasty farts (which I have to hold all day or I'll kill the squirrels and flowers, never mind my co-workers), no gurgling stomach...no wonder I was bloated, I was full of gas...so anyway, Choclahontas made chocolate mousse (my former fav) and I ate some, but now I'm killing everyone around me...I'm worse than a skunk...no, really...

So moodmagicbarb and choclahontas got into a tiff last nite...seems choclahontas said something moodmagicbarb took as an insult, MMB took her good Victoria secret bra and wore it, and C took her cell phone...you know sistershit, but it was annoying on my birthday.

Clinicianhat: I don't know if I told you this story, and I don't feel like looking over the blog to see if I did buy I have a client, he's five...his mother not only let him watch "chuckie", but told him he was "chuckie" and one Halloween drew "chuckies" markings on his face.
Needless to say, he has issues...his play centers on blood, violence and intimidation.
So last Friday when I went to the other site, he was having a very bad day. When we went in the room he attempted to swell up and intimidate me...I told him I'm not scared of you so you need to cut it out...he went through the motions, but I held my ground...he told me he's a big boy cause he's five, I told him not only am I bigger, but I'm thirty-nine...this went on for a while, then he told me he's gonna get a knife and cut my stomach until the blood squirts out...he was gonna cut my navel out...so I said really, you still aren't scaring me...he replied that he's gonna cut all the teachers and named each one...so I said if you had a knife, you'd do all this...he flipped, went under the table and said "no, I'm gonna cut myself till I bleed cause I'm a bad boy"... we worked through the reason why he feels that way, and I gave him coping skills besides cutting folks till the blood spurts out and then our time was up (it's hard to address all this in twenty-five minutes)...
I brought this interaction to the attention of the teachers when I took him back and they said "yeah, he does that all the time, he pretends he has a gun and tries to shoot us"...uh is it me or do you think homeboy has major issues? so anyway, I brought it to the attention of the clinical director, who was NOT ALARMED, and said to write a justification to the region so he can be evaluated...that can take MONTHS...I said "how about we call his mother and get him to the emergency room ASAP"... no, she didn't feel his behavior warranted that severe an action...WHAT?...I'm soo upset that I haven't even written the justification...I feel it will just get lost in the mounds of paper in her office.
What does this boy have to do to get help? actually stab/shoot someone? the assistant teacher, who is the ONLY one besides me who feels he needs more help that I can provide, said "I know he's gonna hurt someone some day".
So they wonder why some kids grow up and kill, hurt, abuse, and go just plain crazy...cause when they are five, no one thinks it's important to address the "minor" issues. I could go into the whole VTech incident, Columbine etc, but I don't think I need too...the writing is already on the wall.

I'm back, if only for a moment...

So I really haven't had time to talk, just go on other sites and give my opinions on life...not that my life is so perfect...
So much happens in my life and I have so many thoughts that I just can't organize them enough to write them down...and then its hard to get to the computer with the teenagers around...
But as Bearmaiden explained (she expresses herself so much better than me) when I leave one venue, its gone for that time and I don't think about it...each person has their own space and time, so when I'm home I'm mommy, not professor or clinician...get it?...
you have to understand I have very distinct and different people that inhabit my body...maybe its being Gemini...lets start with my name.
I have one name (my first) for work and school and all who meet me during that time...then I have my other name (my middle) that family and family friends call me. I have my mommy hat, my professor hat, my clinician hat, my wild hoe hat...ha ha just kidding... but it gets confusing, to the point when I leave messages I have to ask myself "what name does this person know me as" or when I meet someone I have to remember who I'm with...I once met a nice guy and introduced myself with my middle name, but was with folks who only knew me by my first...so when he asked my girlfriend something about me (she was drunk) she said "I don't know who you are talking about, that's not her name".
so when I sit down to write, it gets hard because I don't know which person I'm pulling up, which is more interesting...you have voices, I have completely different people (real too) who make me who I am.
When I was younger, it was just easy to let folks (big bear and Bearmaiden especially) talk for me...this way I didn't have to figure out who was gonna say what...my fam said I went on a zigzag path through life, but that's not really the case, it just depends who's ON at that time or on that day...
So not to scare anyone, I just stay quiet...so as time goes on you will get a paragraph from each person that resides in my body...

happy mothers day to all

I had a beautiful day to day...me and the girls went to the gym (I got moodmagicbarb into the gym) and then to the track... I managed to run around the track one time without having to stop...its not that I'm a whale, but I have pins and plates in my leg...why you ask?

In December 1990, I was walking down the street and the parapet and the top floor of a building fell on me and choclahontas. She sustained a skull fracture, and was in a coma for a day, my friend broke his pelvis and was hospitalized for about four months, and I completely broke my leg right below the knee and right above the ankle. They had to do bone graphs, and put in titanium screws and plates to hold my leg together. Choclahontas was in the hospital for a week, and I was in for two weeks. My poor baby, her eyes were swollen shut for a few days, and she had raccoon eyes for months. Again, I wish I knew about the therapeutic nursery...she would have benefited so much...but she turned out OK.

so my leg doesn't really hurt anymore, but when I'm too heavy or if I walk/run to much my ankle especially will get stiff. Choclahontas lost about a year, but did come back up to her chronological age. I really don't know how the accident affected her, she does not suffer from headaches or memory loss (well, I take that back...she will swear she told me something that she didn't, or say something and completely deny saying that).

So we had a beautiful day...we went to the rock and visited Bear Maiden and the sun, who was glued to the DS... Bear Maiden made a lovely spread of fruit, salad and nuts...a really good "bear" meal...makes me think of the song "picnic time for teddy bears", my all time favorite song...

So tomorrow it's back to the grind, work and teaching...I'm going to miss teaching. I hope I get invited back next semester...the money is nice, but I genuinely love teaching.

Good nite all...I will see you in a few days, maybe then I'll have some profound thoughts and insights...

TGIF

I'm not really in the mood to write, but I figure I should say something. So here are a few snippets of whats on my mind...I ALWAYS have many things going at once, and I live months in the future (I'm already living in July).

So my day was full of stuff...just stuff...I'm sitting here waiting for pita to bring tunner home... annoyed that its ten-forty and tunner has to get up early to go to baby college...choclahontas is MIA and not answering her phone. Pita is a good dad, but not the smartest when it comes to what baby's need. I tell myself it's not my kid, but I feel tunner stressing. That's a horrible feeling. I joke and say if one of my kids ever gets lost, I'll be able to feel them and locate them...it's a gift, but annoying especially when your tired and don't want to be bothered.

My babydaddy better known as jackass is standing moodmagicbarbie up for the third weekend in a row...he's mad cause he didn't pay child support and they cleaned out his bank account...oh well, pay on time and they won't clean you out...but it takes about a month and a half between them emptying his account and me seeing a penny...he pays a small amount, so he really can't complain, but I guess it gets in the way of hundred dollar sneakers. But it makes me sad and a bit angry that he takes it out on moodmagicbarb, she is not in it and doesn't deserve such treatment.

I need another job...can't make it on one salary, even with choclahontas paying half the rent...life is hard on this side of the divide...folks think I have it good, but I'm fronting, just getting by...I spent my entire check on car insurance, the rent and a little to Best Buy...my sousou went to food and gas, and my college check paid the phone and cell phone bill...but my college check ends on June fifteenth and I'll be back to being really poor...but I promise myself I will get my feet and eyebrows done on a regular basis...that only comes up to fifty dollars a month...I still need to get to the gym and work out my issues while lifting fifty pound weights.

But hey, I think I found the reason why I am unable to lose weight, no matter how much I work out...I am lactose intolerant, but ate yogurt, eggs and drank lactaid milk...I cut out everything. I take calcium not from dairy and have been doing soy everything...yogurt, milk and egg free mayo. I haven't lost a pound, but I feel much better. In the two weeks of this, my clothes are defiantly looser and I don't have the constant gas I had...
so I'm five three, weigh 180, but wear a size six to eight in pants, and a medium to large in shirts (I'm kinda the dolly parton type)...go figure...I can't lose the pounds though...I want to be 160...

Well folks, it's been real...I'm going to bed so I can get up with the chickens and go jogging/walking to the gym and work out my issues...maybe tomorrow I'll have a funny story to tell...

choclahontas called asking for tunner...said he's not here yet..."oh hell no, that's not part of the plan"...I complain about her alot, but I also have alot of faith in her...she is an awesome mom and is completely in tune with that chocolate drop...I guess pita will get cursed out tonite...I'm closing my door and going to sleep...

tell me, is this fair?

Hey, good news pita passed the driving test and got his license. He failed the test last fall and vowed to have his license before he turned 19, he's seven months ahead of schedule. I don't know if I will trust him with the cheesebus yet, but we'll see what happens.

So listen to this...the not-for-profit agency I work for, who took us over cause the other not-for-profit spent all the money and went bankrupt, promised us substantial raises'. I was really excited about maybe making over thirty grand until I realized who was going to be the big loser. Since I've been at the job, we (the clinicians and teachers) all were given lunch. Not a big feast, it was defiantly rationed, but lunch none the less (which was good because technically we don't get a lunch break). Last week the clinicians were told that we could no longer eat lunch...OK fine, but next week we are going on a trip and was informed by the kitchen that the only thing they were giving us were one peanut butter and jelly sandwich per child and no juice...WHAT...

So the director of the site, who is not my boss, is of another nationality. All the people of power at this site are of the same nationality...teachers, office workers, even the janitor...the cooks are of a regular nationality that you find in the hood...so anyway, she gets a lot of free stuff to give the kids and parents from large place like bath and body works etc...the thing is that she takes the stuff and divides it among her people (folks of the same nationality). The parents NEVER see the stuff, nor do the other folks at the site who are not of her persuasion...and if we get anything, its the stuff that they don't want...that sucks...

just in passing...
I was talking with moodmagicbarb and she disclosed why she hates math..."I like absolute numbers" she says..."why do we have to round numbers? if its 81.75 then its 81.75...why do I have to round up...who rounds numbers...why can't it just be?" "I like things as they are...they must be exact...if you say you will do something at nine-fifteen, don't do it at nine-sixteen...it must be on the minute..." was it the rabbit in Alice in Wonderland who had to tell the exact time every minute? If I say it's ten o'clock, and its nine-fifty-nine, moodmagicbarb WILL correct me...

So I'm going to bed, I'm exhausted...

hey...you missed me?

So it's already been a loooong week... I don't even know where to start...
So I will start with the good...
I have a child I work with that has profoundly deaf parents. She is a hearing child, but due to her living in a deaf household, she has all the characteristics of a deaf person...she does not speak, nor does she sign, which is very unfortunate as she really has no means of communication.
Every time she enters my room she tantrums. She can be having a nice day, she will smile and laugh with me in the classroom, but the minute we enter the playroom she cries.
Months prior, she did not make a sound when she tantrumed...imagine that...a tantrum with no noise...she slapped herself, scratched herself, kicked her feet together, but didn't make a sound...I've worked with her on helping her find her voice...modeling a tantrum, screaming and all...imagine that, I'm teaching a child to tantrum when most mothers are trying to shut them up...
So my little one went to her mothers native country for two weeks...her first time on the plane, first time meeting the large extended family. Mom reported that she was really good on the trip...a direct contradiction to how she is at home...oppositional and defiant...Mom happily reported that she slept during the flight...RED FLAG RED FLAG...
my little one was totally overwhelmed and shut down...withholding her feelings to the point of sleep (that's why when you sit in a difficult class you fall asleep, you're not bored, but totally overwhelmed...that's why babies fall asleep in the nosiest places i.e. concerts...it's too much for the nervous system)
In the classroom on monday she talked me up...laughing and all...I wondered what awaited me once we got in the room...ahh, she didn't fail me...we entered the room and the tantrum began full throttle. She SCREAMED to the point that the veins in her neck stood out...that was HUGE...she kicked, threw things, and broke a ball...this went on for about ten to fifteen minutes...I streamed calming music through my bluetooth, sat next to her, just letting her know I was there...I needed to clean her face so I sat her on my lap and began to sooth her...wiping her face, rubbing her arm, and making soft clicking noises...she closed her eyes, relaxed against me and clutched my shirt...I could feel her begin to sooth herself, she would start to sob and I could feel her taking big breaths...she fell asleep, not because she was tired, but because she was drained...I told her we needed to go to class, and she was not ready...I gave her a few minutes...then told her we had to go again...she stood up, and as I was getting ready to stand up (I was on my knees) she opened her arms and gave me a huge spontaneous hug around my neck...she didn't have the words to say thank you but her hug said it all...these moments rarely happen, but when they do, it melts your heart!!! I asked her if she felt better and she nodded her head yes...we went to the bathroom and wiped her face with cool water...on the way to the classroom she held my hand tight, and looked in my face and just smiled like the sun after a thunderstorm...

I'm not a martyr

I am not a martyr...in the end I know what to do to get results, and how to make my point. I write my blog to vent (for myself)...I reread it, and devise my plan of action with a clear head.
But living on this side of the divide (and not using it as an excuse) things are as they are, there are options available, though hard to come by.
I had a conversation with my landlady, who though she grew up in the hood in Chitown, went to really good schools and travels with the upper escalant of black society. Her world consist of all her friends and associates having a good education, most with masters; the children attending the best public, private and catholic schools. In her world its who you know, and looking out for each other...it's a given that you will get your way in the end... We on this side of the divide don't have those options.
Case in point, I wanted moodmagicbarb to join bigbrother/bigsister...she is not eligible because she is NORMAL (well somewhat LOL)...if her custodial parent (me) were in jail, then yeah...it she was a foster child, living with AIDS, or I was living with AIDS, then yeah...If she had an IEP then yeah, call yourself and see...
I signed her up for the Freashairfund...I was told at the orientation "we really don't get requests for 12yearolds" as the prep school girls of the same age pranced around to help the poor underadvantaged kids...Big Kahuna saying "let me tell you what to do, give them activities they don't have often, face painting and games..." WHAT? OK whatever...
When moodmagicbarb was having issues, with her medicade (I refuse to pay out the ass for health insurance...though it's "better" I find the treatment is much the same-plus its my tax dollars at work) the only way I could get her counseling is if we went to the psyc. ward and went the inpatient route...the SW didn't feel her issues were serious enough to warrant treatment. Her Dr. who I love dearly, told us to come back in six months...Thank God we have a strong fam and we worked with her and were able to come through the other side...
moodmagicbarb has had a horrible year in middle school (I will go into details at another time). To make a really long story short, she and a teacher got into a personality conflict. This teacher who teaches her weakest subject, math, decided at some point to destroy her self esteem. forward fast, I moved her to another class where she does not have this teacher, but he continues to harass her in the halls...I told the director that if he does not stop there will be police action. I told the region, but because its a school is in the hood, they don't care...they will not believe the word of children (who are witnesses to this teachers behavior) over the word of a "quality" teacher. I can't even transfer her to another school- she does not fit the criteria for transfer... WHATEVER...
So it's not about being a martyr, but protecting mine, and making sure they are ready to face a world that does not give a fuck about them, giving them love cause they are NOT going to get it out there...I pick up the slack when I can because right now I am the strong one...they in turn will do it for tunner and the other young ones coming up.
pita and choclahontas didn't want to pay the ten dollars a day, so they cleaned...when I walked in from work, pita had CLEANED the house my way! choclahontas even cleaned her room and realized that she needs more storage space...ikea here we come...great, an excuse to shop.

what a day, what a day

yes, putting out the lilfam would be the answer but unfortunately its not really an option because I need choclahontas to pay the other half of the rent till I find a respectable man to move in...OK, it's been ten years, but I can still dream...
My life is full of crazy stories, and big/lil sis encourages me to tell them...so here's one...
The other day I polluted the therapeutic process...I have a boy, age five, who was presented to me for counseling. He is a large child and of a culture that does not necessarily respect women.
In our sessions he refers to Chuckie (yes the horror movie Chuckie) alot...seems one Halloween his very intelligent mother drew the markings of Chuckie on him and told him he WAS Chuckie...I lie to you not...
So much of his play centers on fear and intimidation, violence, blood and bloodshed. I beg those in charge to refer him for a psychiatric evaluation, but that's yet to happen. In class he pretty much runs the room. He hides under the table (he's large, so he's not really hiding)...curses at the teachers, calling them bitches and telling them fuck you...jumping off the table and all the other lovely things that children in the therapeutic nursery in the ghetto do...we don't have these issues downtown...
The teacher talks about him to him...telling him what a bad boy he is...his mother should have kept him home etc...but does not stand up to him...the director speaks to him firmly, but I have yet to see it actually stop him from acting up...
So the other day, he was in a charming mood, and throwing himself on the floor and tantruming because he couldn't have a car. Prior to that I had him for therapy with another child, he did OK in the session, but I could see he has issues with patience and turn-taking...
So anyway, the teacher brought him out of the room to look for the director so she could "talk" to him, but the director had stepped out of the building...I watched this kid throw himself around like a fish out of water and I had enough...
I stood him up, put my face inches from his and in military style told him to cut it out...I told him "I'm not afraid of you ______, and your behavior is UNACCEPTABLE". At first he attempted to throw attitude, but I wasn't having it...I sent him to the classroom, and he made some comment...I grabbed his shirt, spun him around, and in military fashion told him in no uncertain words I was NOT having it..."OK ________, I'll stop" he said. I told him again and said "do you understand"..."yes_____, I understand" he said.
So someone who works in another area passed by and said "that's not how you work with children"...really? This kid only knows fear and intimidation, I neither scared him or intimidated him, but I had to show him who was boss...I had to let him know that he did not scare me, and I too could dish...
As the day progressed, I checked in on him...he was flying straight as an arrow...He said he was not going to act like that again...I had quiet time with him later to make up and asked him if he liked when I acted that way and he said he didn't. I explained that his teachers feel as he did when he acts crazy...did it sink in? we will see...
So the teacher got nervous and called his mother... I told his mother exactly what I did and how I handled him...the mother is a bundle of confusion and lets him act like the big man at home...she shared that he calls her stupid bitch...and we wonder why he acts the fool at school... I talked to her almost the way I talked to him and let her know that she is damaging her son and gave her ways to start handling him and changing his behavior...
so the irony of the story is that I'm really effective dealing with children and parents, but I can't get my own to listen to me and clean the freakin house....

I am tired

OK here's the deal...I live with a bunch of spoiled asses...yes I spoiled them and you know what, that was the biggest mistake I ever made.
You have to understand, choclahontas has ADHD. It was always easier to clean myself than to take the whole day to sit with her and have her do something that should take about ten minutes. When she was younger it took her an hour to eat ONE BOWL OF CEREAL. She was so slow I got out of the habit of giving her breakfast at home. She always ate on the run, so by the time we got to our destination she would be done.
Another mistake, which I don't beat myself up for because I didn't know, was she should have gone to a therapeutic nursery. There she would have gotten the services she needed free of charge. OT would have addressed her fine motor, PT would have addressed the delays we had due to the building falling on us when she was three (one day I'll write that story), speech would have addressed her language, which today is horrible (on most days), and counseling would have addressed her many issues.
so here we are...her organizational skills are horrible. She tries, really tries, but she never finishes anything. So the cleaning project is always almost done. Most days she will sweep, but leave the pile of dirt in the middle of the floor. If I leave it, there it will stay until tunner begins to play in it (he actually tries to clean it up...he's a neat freak and gets upset when things are out of place...that's why he likes being in my room). She will begin many large projects at one time...cooking a five course meal, while attempting to wash a months worth of clothes.
But you can't tell her anything...and I have tried many approaches that end the same way. She screams, slams doors, leaves the house, throws things or just tells me "shut up...I don't want to hear you talk" etc. But nothing changes. Most days I'm too tired to deal, so I say whatever however and let the chips fall where they may.
So Pita, who most days gets on my nerves, has picked up on this...so when I tell him he must pull his weight and clean will reply "talk to your daughter, that's her shit"...this is mostly true, but I tell him you're a couple so you are both responsible...OK this has little to no effect.
Case in point today I came home from a really really really hard day and I walk into the kitchen and guess what...Pita flooded the kitchen yesterday by washing the clothes and not taking the dishes out of the sink...so the pots under the sink were filled with dirty water...so before I could think of cooking I had to wash pots...clothes, dirty? clean? are on the floor, table, chairs, the counter...OK to be fair they did wash the towels...partly because I don't do it. I hide my towel and tissue in my closet...dirty pots and dishes lined the counter...choclahontas is MIA without her phone, and I'm stuck with tunner.
So my new thing is I'm charging them ten dollars a day for every day that I have to trip over their shit...I know I won't collect, but maybe it will make them think.
But they take the things from around the house and throw it in the room...I wouldn't care but tunner lives there (well he doesn't cause he wont stay in there...he always want to be with me).
The room should be condemned. Garbage mixed with clothes, dirty? clean?, shoes, food, cups, dirty plate, snotty tissues...lets put it this way, anything that goes in that room does not come out until its moldy and black...
moodmagicbarbie feels she can do it too because her older sister does it...I redid her room and she did good for a while, but is starting to slip...for her its a little easier cause all I have to do is take her phone and no Internet...
So long story short, I did not make dinner, moodmagicbarbie ate leftovers and tunner fell asleep. Hopefully they will give him a good breakfast tomorrow...
So here I am at the table after pushing aside a pile of dirty? clean? clothes, sat on a pile of clean? dirty? clothes on the chair and ate curry chicken sauce (all the chicken was gone) two pieces of toast, and let over chicken wings from big bear, as I gazed at tunners dirty socks and pita's dirty sneaker in a shoe box on the table, and realized that I didn't get to the gym, and can't go tomorrow cause choclahontas has school (unless I get up at five and get to the gym by six to leave at six thirty to get moodmagicbarbie out of bed-cause she just WON'T get out of bed unless I bang on the loftbed, and who has the energy for all that and deal with the idiots at work)...
Tomorrow I'll tell you the good things...I promise
OK, I can't leave you on a bad note...
As part of my job, we do evaluations for three to five year olds to determine if they need services. I do social histories, and coordinate everything else.
So one women, who I had started the process with, brought her daughter in for a speech eval. I was in and out of the office. This women went into my office, got my keys, opened my drawer and took out 220.00 out of my wallet. I realized this the next day. So I called her and told her that I knew she took the money, but I would still continue the evaluation because I wasn't going to let her daughter suffer because she's an ass. I filed a police report. Fast forward a month. She was arrested (I was surprised they did this). She called and promised to return my money. I said to myself "whatever". But you know what? yesterday she brought me a money order for 220.00. I told her there is no reason to steal with all the options that are out there.
So that's that...maybe I'll feel better tomorrow...